Today made two years since my mother in law passed away. I know it is a hard day for my husband and his siblings, but it's one of those situations that there really isn't anything that I can do or say. All I can do is be there. There has been so much going on the last few weeks. Two people that I was very close to died and two other family friends lost their mothers. I had my first appointment with the new doctor last week, the anniversary of my mother in law passing today, we are having problems getting insurance on the house we are buying and my appointment for my HSG test is on Thursday. That's just way too much packed into just a few weeks. I seriously hope that things finally slow down a little bit now.
We visited the cemetery today with one of my brother in laws and his wife, took a fresh arrangement with Spring colors to put on the grave and cleaned the headstone. The last time we were there we also noticed that nobody has been putting anything on my grandfather's grave. That really bothered me, so we bought a pretty red, white and blue arrangement with a United States flag ribbon since he was in the Air Force and put on his headstone too. I also bought a single rainbow rose and put on the grave of one of my friends that was buried last week. My other friend was cremated, so I have nowhere to take flowers, but I like to think that he knows I'm thinking of him.
I got the last of my medication for the IUI cycle ordered. I will be on Clomid, Repronex and an HCG trigger. All together it cost me $454. Tomorrow I have to pick up my antibiotic that I have to start taking right before my HSG test. They called me one in before, but I was allergic to another medication in that class of drugs, so they are calling in a different one. I am allergic to five antibiotics that I can remember, but I think there is supposed to be six of them. It's a pain to treat me when I get sick. I go for my HSG on Thursday and hopefully they will have my lab results back from all the tests they ran last week. I'm a little afraid of what they might show. When it comes to doing the injectables for the IUI, I am probably going to have to have my mom give me the injections. I just don't think that I can give them to myself. I can do it to someone else, just not myself. I know that probably sounds weird. I really hope that I respond to the Clomid. I have been on it before and was on the highest dose recommended, but it never worked. The doctor seems to think that I won't have a problem responding to it using the the injectables with it. I guess we shall see.
Now, for those that don't know what an HSG test is, I will give a brief overview. HSG test is short for hysterosalpingogram test. It is an x-ray test that looks inside and around the uterus and fallopian tubes. A thin tube is inserted through the vagina and into the uterus. A dye is put through the tube and should flow into the fallopian tubes. An x-ray machine uses a steady beam to take pictures and will show any blockages or damage.
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
April 2, 2013
March 27, 2013
Game Plan
Today has been very bittersweet for me. The first thing I did when I left the house this morning was go to the funeral home. Today I said goodbye to one of the best friends I've had. I wasn't sure before I left the house if I was going to be able to go in the room and actually see with my own eyes that he was gone. I was sick to my stomach all the way down there and when I finally saw him laying there it just seemed so unreal. Even now I feel like I could call or text him and he would answer me. There will definitely be a hole in my life and the lives of my family that nobody else will ever be able to fill. I hate that I couldn't go to the actual service and show support for his family, but this was a very important doctor appointment and he would have wanted me to go.
The doctor visit had my stomach twisting into knots too. Sitting in that waiting room and waiting for my name to be called was awful. A million things kept going through my head. What if they tell me there is something really wrong with me? What if they tell me I'll never be able to get pregnant again? What if they tell me that I'll never be able to carry one to term? What if they tell me they can't help me? Once the nurse finally called me back and got my vitals, she started with the questions and wanting to know who in my family had what health problems. There are a lot of things that run in my family. We've got cancer, heart problems, thyroid problems, my great aunt had multiple miscarriages and the list goes on and on. I kept waiting on them to tell me that I'm just genetically screwed. Going back into the actual office of the doctor was the worst. That's when we started going over my past medical records and the exhaustive list of things we tried, that ultimately failed. By the end of it though, we had a game plan. The doctor wasn't really happy with some of the work another doctor had done, so he ordered a ton of blood tests (about ten or twelve vials) and is scheduling me for an HSG test next week. The course of treatment that was decided on was an aggressive IUI cycle. He seems to think that I will respond better to that and it's cheaper than IVF. I do have to agree that if I end up with more than three embryos, that I will selectively reduce. They won't allow you to carry more than three. Although, judging from my past experience, I don't think that will be a problem because I am typically a poor responder. Also, he has been doing this for thirty some years and has only had that happen about three or four times. The meds are still pretty expensive and we are having to pay everything out of pocket. So, if this one doesn't work we will see what the doctor recommends, but we will only do a max of two of these cycles. Financially, if two don't work then it would be better for us to get the loan and go for in-vitro. Not to mention, it's been five years and I'm getting impatient. When we do the IUI cycle they will also do a full semen analysis with the andrology lab. My cycles have been getting shorter and shorter. I ovulated on cycle day 7 this time and that's going to give me about a 19 day cycle length. This makes me worry because it makes it hard to predict if the hubby is even going to be able to be home when the IUI will need to be done. The meds are way to expensive for wasted cycles. We hope to be able to do start the medication and do the IUI my next cycle. The meds are ordered from Europe though, so it will depend on when they get here. It should be here in about three weeks max. I'm not getting my hopes up this time. I'm just going to try to roll with things and if it happens it happens and if not, we move on to the next step. I seriously have to keep stress levels down this time. I'm so ready for things to go right for a change. At least now I can say that we are seeing the doctor and actively trying to get our healthy baby again. It's been two years, which was my last miscarriage, since we saw the doctor for my infertility.
Now I just want to drop a note about the Pregnitude. As far as the doctor is concerned, I can still take it. I am also thinking that maybe that has something to do with my cycles getting shorter. I would definitely recommend giving it a shot. Of course I am on prenatals and DHA too. The prenatal vitamins I choose to take are a whole food veggie cap. They are called Baby and Me.
I want to say thank you to everyone that has shown support to me over the years and to all my readers, especially the ones that comment how much they can relate to my story. You guys are why I keep this blog up. I want you all to know that you are not alone and maybe I can give a voice to what you are feeling for those of you that are afraid to speak out. Visit the Facebook page for info and to connect with other people. I would appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we start back on this journey. Thank you all!
The doctor visit had my stomach twisting into knots too. Sitting in that waiting room and waiting for my name to be called was awful. A million things kept going through my head. What if they tell me there is something really wrong with me? What if they tell me I'll never be able to get pregnant again? What if they tell me that I'll never be able to carry one to term? What if they tell me they can't help me? Once the nurse finally called me back and got my vitals, she started with the questions and wanting to know who in my family had what health problems. There are a lot of things that run in my family. We've got cancer, heart problems, thyroid problems, my great aunt had multiple miscarriages and the list goes on and on. I kept waiting on them to tell me that I'm just genetically screwed. Going back into the actual office of the doctor was the worst. That's when we started going over my past medical records and the exhaustive list of things we tried, that ultimately failed. By the end of it though, we had a game plan. The doctor wasn't really happy with some of the work another doctor had done, so he ordered a ton of blood tests (about ten or twelve vials) and is scheduling me for an HSG test next week. The course of treatment that was decided on was an aggressive IUI cycle. He seems to think that I will respond better to that and it's cheaper than IVF. I do have to agree that if I end up with more than three embryos, that I will selectively reduce. They won't allow you to carry more than three. Although, judging from my past experience, I don't think that will be a problem because I am typically a poor responder. Also, he has been doing this for thirty some years and has only had that happen about three or four times. The meds are still pretty expensive and we are having to pay everything out of pocket. So, if this one doesn't work we will see what the doctor recommends, but we will only do a max of two of these cycles. Financially, if two don't work then it would be better for us to get the loan and go for in-vitro. Not to mention, it's been five years and I'm getting impatient. When we do the IUI cycle they will also do a full semen analysis with the andrology lab. My cycles have been getting shorter and shorter. I ovulated on cycle day 7 this time and that's going to give me about a 19 day cycle length. This makes me worry because it makes it hard to predict if the hubby is even going to be able to be home when the IUI will need to be done. The meds are way to expensive for wasted cycles. We hope to be able to do start the medication and do the IUI my next cycle. The meds are ordered from Europe though, so it will depend on when they get here. It should be here in about three weeks max. I'm not getting my hopes up this time. I'm just going to try to roll with things and if it happens it happens and if not, we move on to the next step. I seriously have to keep stress levels down this time. I'm so ready for things to go right for a change. At least now I can say that we are seeing the doctor and actively trying to get our healthy baby again. It's been two years, which was my last miscarriage, since we saw the doctor for my infertility.
Now I just want to drop a note about the Pregnitude. As far as the doctor is concerned, I can still take it. I am also thinking that maybe that has something to do with my cycles getting shorter. I would definitely recommend giving it a shot. Of course I am on prenatals and DHA too. The prenatal vitamins I choose to take are a whole food veggie cap. They are called Baby and Me.
I want to say thank you to everyone that has shown support to me over the years and to all my readers, especially the ones that comment how much they can relate to my story. You guys are why I keep this blog up. I want you all to know that you are not alone and maybe I can give a voice to what you are feeling for those of you that are afraid to speak out. Visit the Facebook page for info and to connect with other people. I would appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we start back on this journey. Thank you all!
March 23, 2013
It Comes In Threes
This started out as a fairly decent day. I slept in and then got the house straightened up a bit and did some laundry. My hubby ordered a part for his truck and needed it to put on before he comes home on his days off. So my parents and I had to go to Ohio to take the part to him. It was about eight hours round trip, but it was exciting to get to see him and have dinner with him, even if it was for only an hour and a half. It was on the way home that I got some more bad news.
I have always been told that when someone dies, it will come in sets of three. Time and time again this has been the case over the years and it seems that this time is no different. I just found out that one of my closest friends for the last fifteen years passed away in his sleep. He was one of those people that would do anything for a laugh and could make you smile no matter what kind of mood you were in. If you were someone he cared about, he would go to the ends of the Earth for you. If you needed anything, he would give it to you or find a way to get for you. If you needed help, all you had to do was say so and he would be there with no questions asked. He would back you up right or wrong. He was a part of my family and loved my brother like nobody else. He was constantly telling me how much he loved my brother and how proud he was of him. That and how excited he was for me to have a baby was actually one of the last things we talked about. He wanted to help us raise money for in-vitro or adoption. He was kind of like our adopted brother. He was a one of a kind person. I know nobody else like him. I especially hate it because he has left behind some wonderful kids that will now have to grow up without him. His kids were his life and he loved them so very much. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of an impact this will have on them. It breaks my heart that my children will never know him and the crazy personality that he had. This funeral and one of the others I talked about yesterday will be two of the hardest I have ever had to deal with. There have only been three other ones that were really hard for me to handle. I sincerely hope this is the last bad news we get for a while.
I am even more anxious for my hubby to get home now. All of this going on and he isn't going to be here for one of the funerals and possibly won't be here for any of them. I hate that he misses out on this kind of stuff. He was a part of these lost lives too, but there really isn't anything that can be done about it. I am more determined than ever to get a plan of action started for having a baby or adopting. I want to have children before any more people that would be a part of their lives are gone. I think about how many people in mine and my friend's families are battling health issues and I feel like I am running out of time. I know life isn't all rainbows and butterflies, but I wish it was. </3
I have always been told that when someone dies, it will come in sets of three. Time and time again this has been the case over the years and it seems that this time is no different. I just found out that one of my closest friends for the last fifteen years passed away in his sleep. He was one of those people that would do anything for a laugh and could make you smile no matter what kind of mood you were in. If you were someone he cared about, he would go to the ends of the Earth for you. If you needed anything, he would give it to you or find a way to get for you. If you needed help, all you had to do was say so and he would be there with no questions asked. He would back you up right or wrong. He was a part of my family and loved my brother like nobody else. He was constantly telling me how much he loved my brother and how proud he was of him. That and how excited he was for me to have a baby was actually one of the last things we talked about. He wanted to help us raise money for in-vitro or adoption. He was kind of like our adopted brother. He was a one of a kind person. I know nobody else like him. I especially hate it because he has left behind some wonderful kids that will now have to grow up without him. His kids were his life and he loved them so very much. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of an impact this will have on them. It breaks my heart that my children will never know him and the crazy personality that he had. This funeral and one of the others I talked about yesterday will be two of the hardest I have ever had to deal with. There have only been three other ones that were really hard for me to handle. I sincerely hope this is the last bad news we get for a while.
I am even more anxious for my hubby to get home now. All of this going on and he isn't going to be here for one of the funerals and possibly won't be here for any of them. I hate that he misses out on this kind of stuff. He was a part of these lost lives too, but there really isn't anything that can be done about it. I am more determined than ever to get a plan of action started for having a baby or adopting. I want to have children before any more people that would be a part of their lives are gone. I think about how many people in mine and my friend's families are battling health issues and I feel like I am running out of time. I know life isn't all rainbows and butterflies, but I wish it was. </3
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