This started out as a fairly decent day. I slept in and then got the house straightened up a bit and did some laundry. My hubby ordered a part for his truck and needed it to put on before he comes home on his days off. So my parents and I had to go to Ohio to take the part to him. It was about eight hours round trip, but it was exciting to get to see him and have dinner with him, even if it was for only an hour and a half. It was on the way home that I got some more bad news.
I have always been told that when someone dies, it will come in sets of three. Time and time again this has been the case over the years and it seems that this time is no different. I just found out that one of my closest friends for the last fifteen years passed away in his sleep. He was one of those people that would do anything for a laugh and could make you smile no matter what kind of mood you were in. If you were someone he cared about, he would go to the ends of the Earth for you. If you needed anything, he would give it to you or find a way to get for you. If you needed help, all you had to do was say so and he would be there with no questions asked. He would back you up right or wrong. He was a part of my family and loved my brother like nobody else. He was constantly telling me how much he loved my brother and how proud he was of him. That and how excited he was for me to have a baby was actually one of the last things we talked about. He wanted to help us raise money for in-vitro or adoption. He was kind of like our adopted brother. He was a one of a kind person. I know nobody else like him. I especially hate it because he has left behind some wonderful kids that will now have to grow up without him. His kids were his life and he loved them so very much. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of an impact this will have on them. It breaks my heart that my children will never know him and the crazy personality that he had. This funeral and one of the others I talked about yesterday will be two of the hardest I have ever had to deal with. There have only been three other ones that were really hard for me to handle. I sincerely hope this is the last bad news we get for a while.
I am even more anxious for my hubby to get home now. All of this going on and he isn't going to be here for one of the funerals and possibly won't be here for any of them. I hate that he misses out on this kind of stuff. He was a part of these lost lives too, but there really isn't anything that can be done about it. I am more determined than ever to get a plan of action started for having a baby or adopting. I want to have children before any more people that would be a part of their lives are gone. I think about how many people in mine and my friend's families are battling health issues and I feel like I am running out of time. I know life isn't all rainbows and butterflies, but I wish it was. </3
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
March 23, 2013
February 18, 2013
Staying Strong
Well guys, if it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all. I found out today that all of my stuff has to be out of my old house by this weekend and that includes my horse. I am panicking just a little bit because I don't really know where I am going to take my horse. The really sad thing is that I have "friends" and "family" that could board her for a little while for me, but they keep coming up with excuses why they can't. The saying "you find out who your friends are", apparently goes for family too. It's sad that I am at such a low spot in my life right now and the people that are supposed to be there in those times are turning their backs. Honestly, it just really pisses me off. It wouldn't be such a big deal to me, except that I am having to deal with this alone. The hubby won't be back from Ohio until the 26th. I would give anything for him to be here right now and I wouldn't be nearly as freaked out about it. I really need him, but that's what happens when your husband is in the oilfield. So, I act way more okay than I am when I'm on the phone and give quick answers, so that I don't betray the quiver in my voice, as I'm fighting back tears. So goes the life of a rig wife.
On another note, I have ordered the OvaCue Fertility Monitor and the Fertile-Focus Scope. According to the sites I ordered from, they should be here by the end of the week. I should start my next cycle this week, so that will be perfect timing. Of course, my cycles are rarely ever normal, so it's kind of expecting a lot to think it may be normal this time. At least I will already have them whenever my cycle does decide to start. Once I receive them, I will give updates as I go along and let you all know how they work for me and if they are accurate.
The new monitors are not the only new thing I am going to be trying. Tonight I will also be ordering the Conceive Easy TTC Kit and Pregnitude. I don't know if any of you have ever heard of Fertibella, but that is what is in the kit. It comes with a two month starter pack of the pills, a TTC guide, bbt chart, a digital basal thermometer and your choice of twenty free pregnancy or ovulation tests. Each month's bottle contains a different and unique blend. You can start it at any point in your cycle and you should take it with a meal. If you forget one, you can just start back the next day. It costs $39.95 a month and most people see results in 3-4 months. I will probably try it for at least four months and then decide if it's worth it to keep buying it. It can help some women with PCOS and it is supposed to regulate hormones, which should regulate your cycle if you have irregular cycles. I have read some mixed reviews on the product, but the majority of people say that it did help them get pregnant. It does seem that the pregnancy tests that come with the kit are bad for giving false positives and evap lines.
Pregnitude is supposed to support your ovulatory function, menstrual cycle and egg quality. It consists of Folic Acid and Myo-Inositol. It comes in packets that you dissolve in water and drink. You are supposed to drink one pack in the morning and one at night. For $38.49 you get a box with 60 packets and that will last you a month. This supplement is actually being recommended to patients by some doctors. I tried taking Inositol and Folic Acid separately before and had no results. However, I then found out that the Inositol that Puritan's Pride sells is NOT Myo-Inositol. There are nine different versions of Inositol. So if you decide to go the separate route instead, make sure that it is MYO-Inositol.
Once I get this stuff in and start taking it, I will do updates to let you know how everything is going. Like I said, should have it all by the end of the week, but you never know. Fingers crossed that something finally works. Five years of TTC and I think it's time it finally happens and sticks. I'm really tired of the monthly disappointment and all the money I'm spending just on the effort of having a baby. Not to mention the money we are getting ready to spend to adopt. Even though we are still going through with adoption plans, doesn't mean that I can give up the dream of having a baby from my own body. There is just something about carrying that child, seeing the ultrasounds and watching/feeling it grow inside of you that I can't let go of. God knows I wish I could give it all up and let go of TTC, but for now it's just not possible. Baby Dust everyone!
On another note, I have ordered the OvaCue Fertility Monitor and the Fertile-Focus Scope. According to the sites I ordered from, they should be here by the end of the week. I should start my next cycle this week, so that will be perfect timing. Of course, my cycles are rarely ever normal, so it's kind of expecting a lot to think it may be normal this time. At least I will already have them whenever my cycle does decide to start. Once I receive them, I will give updates as I go along and let you all know how they work for me and if they are accurate.
The new monitors are not the only new thing I am going to be trying. Tonight I will also be ordering the Conceive Easy TTC Kit and Pregnitude. I don't know if any of you have ever heard of Fertibella, but that is what is in the kit. It comes with a two month starter pack of the pills, a TTC guide, bbt chart, a digital basal thermometer and your choice of twenty free pregnancy or ovulation tests. Each month's bottle contains a different and unique blend. You can start it at any point in your cycle and you should take it with a meal. If you forget one, you can just start back the next day. It costs $39.95 a month and most people see results in 3-4 months. I will probably try it for at least four months and then decide if it's worth it to keep buying it. It can help some women with PCOS and it is supposed to regulate hormones, which should regulate your cycle if you have irregular cycles. I have read some mixed reviews on the product, but the majority of people say that it did help them get pregnant. It does seem that the pregnancy tests that come with the kit are bad for giving false positives and evap lines.
Pregnitude is supposed to support your ovulatory function, menstrual cycle and egg quality. It consists of Folic Acid and Myo-Inositol. It comes in packets that you dissolve in water and drink. You are supposed to drink one pack in the morning and one at night. For $38.49 you get a box with 60 packets and that will last you a month. This supplement is actually being recommended to patients by some doctors. I tried taking Inositol and Folic Acid separately before and had no results. However, I then found out that the Inositol that Puritan's Pride sells is NOT Myo-Inositol. There are nine different versions of Inositol. So if you decide to go the separate route instead, make sure that it is MYO-Inositol.
February 14, 2013
Alone On Valentine's Day
Well, it has certainly been a little while since I have been on here. Things have been really crazy and I've been pretty stressed. My hubby is now in Ohio and the two weeks on and two weeks off makes it difficult to to even attempt a baby. I still want to go to Johns Hopkins, but that is going to have to wait until we get a house and have our lives settled again. There is just too much going on right now to plan on going seven hours away to the doctor a few times a month. It looks like our house situation may have finally been solved, thanks to an amazing person that we used to go to church with. We can't start the paperwork at the bank until the hubby gets back home, which won't be until the end of the month. Once we buy the house, have everything moved in, the barn built and my horse safely there..then I will focus on trying to figure out what is wrong with me. However, we are still going through with our adoption plans. As soon as we have the house ready, we will get our home study done and make our final decision on an adoption agency. We really want to get as much done in the adoption process as we can this year and hopefully get our profile out to birthmothers by the end of the year. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to be this close to finally getting the process underway. We have only raised a little over $200, but we are trying to sell our camper. If we can get our camper sold, we can use the money to pay off some debt and that will give us enough extra money every month that we could afford to go ahead and get an adoption loan. I feel like once we get this house that everything in my life will start falling into place. I hope and pray with everything in me that nothing goes wrong. Although, with the luck I tend to have, I know that is a lot to ask for. If anyone has a suggestion on an adoption agency, please let me know.
Today happens to be Valentine's Day, which doesn't mean a lot to me at the moment. I am alone for Valentine's Day, just like I will be every holiday for the next few years. My hubby has a good job and makes good money though, so I can't complain too much. I see all of my friends doing stuff for their kids and it makes it a little harder to deal with. I am trying to keep my head up and keep thinking positive. I know things could be a lot worse right now and I'm thankful that they aren't. I know my hubby has a hard time being away from home and I try really hard to be strong for him. I try not to message him too much, get too mushy, let him see or hear me cry, etc. I try to portray the strong wife that can handle him being gone and hold down the fort. I put my brave face on and choke back the tears until I'm off the phone with him and when he leaves I try not let him see. I didn't succeed when he left on Tuesday, a few tears slipped through since he took longer than usual to say goodbye. Don't get me wrong, I am very independent and I can handle myself just fine on my own. Not seeing him for two weeks and barely talking to him is hard because I worry. The work that he does is so extremely dangerous and I live in constant fear that I am going to get that dreaded call that something has happened to him. The work he does is also well known for men cheating because they can live a double life since they are gone more than they are home. I trust my husband, but I don't trust other women. They have what is called rigrats. Those are girls that chase after oilfield men, married or not. They don't give up and they are persistent. I know my husband wouldn't do anything, but these girls have been known to do pretty much ANYTHING to get attention. The danger and the girls are what rig wives live in fear of. I think I take it especially hard because I feel like a failure since I can't give my husband children. One little part of me thinks that maybe I deserve it or he would be better off if he would find someone else. He deserves all he wants in life and he wants a family that I can't give him. I know at times I sabotage myself and push him away thinking that is what is best for him. I finally got over that for a while, but now that he is gone so much I can feel myself going back to that point. I often wonder if he looks at me any differently now than he did when we first got together. Sometimes I feel like he does, like the fire he had for me has maybe dimmed some.
Anyway, I hope all of you get to spend today with your special someone and I hope it is a great day. Don't forget to check out the Facebook page and if you want to donate to our adoption fund, the link is below. Thank you all for letting me know I am not alone and I hope that I help you know that you aren't alone either.
https://www.facebook.com/GotAnyKids
http://www.gofundme.com/CallieTorreyAdoptionFund
Today happens to be Valentine's Day, which doesn't mean a lot to me at the moment. I am alone for Valentine's Day, just like I will be every holiday for the next few years. My hubby has a good job and makes good money though, so I can't complain too much. I see all of my friends doing stuff for their kids and it makes it a little harder to deal with. I am trying to keep my head up and keep thinking positive. I know things could be a lot worse right now and I'm thankful that they aren't. I know my hubby has a hard time being away from home and I try really hard to be strong for him. I try not to message him too much, get too mushy, let him see or hear me cry, etc. I try to portray the strong wife that can handle him being gone and hold down the fort. I put my brave face on and choke back the tears until I'm off the phone with him and when he leaves I try not let him see. I didn't succeed when he left on Tuesday, a few tears slipped through since he took longer than usual to say goodbye. Don't get me wrong, I am very independent and I can handle myself just fine on my own. Not seeing him for two weeks and barely talking to him is hard because I worry. The work that he does is so extremely dangerous and I live in constant fear that I am going to get that dreaded call that something has happened to him. The work he does is also well known for men cheating because they can live a double life since they are gone more than they are home. I trust my husband, but I don't trust other women. They have what is called rigrats. Those are girls that chase after oilfield men, married or not. They don't give up and they are persistent. I know my husband wouldn't do anything, but these girls have been known to do pretty much ANYTHING to get attention. The danger and the girls are what rig wives live in fear of. I think I take it especially hard because I feel like a failure since I can't give my husband children. One little part of me thinks that maybe I deserve it or he would be better off if he would find someone else. He deserves all he wants in life and he wants a family that I can't give him. I know at times I sabotage myself and push him away thinking that is what is best for him. I finally got over that for a while, but now that he is gone so much I can feel myself going back to that point. I often wonder if he looks at me any differently now than he did when we first got together. Sometimes I feel like he does, like the fire he had for me has maybe dimmed some.
Anyway, I hope all of you get to spend today with your special someone and I hope it is a great day. Don't forget to check out the Facebook page and if you want to donate to our adoption fund, the link is below. Thank you all for letting me know I am not alone and I hope that I help you know that you aren't alone either.
https://www.facebook.com/GotAnyKids
http://www.gofundme.com/CallieTorreyAdoptionFund
December 28, 2012
Long Road Ahead
I decided tonight that I am going to make an appointment with the Fertility Center at CAMC. I'm not going with the intention of getting pregnant. I just want to have some more tests done to see if they can finally figure out what is wrong with me, before I end up with other health problems. People that do not have regular menstrual cycles are at greater risk for uterine cancer. I think my diagnosis of PCOS was wrong, especially since the treatment for PCOS didn't work for me at all. There are other diseases and syndromes I could possibly have that could put me at risk for other health problems if they go untreated. If I get pregnant as a result of finding out what is wrong with me and treating it, then that's great. I'm not going into it expecting that outcome though. I think deciding to adopt has given me a feeling of relief. Knowing that I will have a baby at some point through adoption lets me be able to focus on my treatment and not so much on getting pregnant. I have no plans on doing anymore IUI's or IVF, unless they find what is wrong with me and think that I have a better chance of success with it. I am still moving forward with adoption plans. If I get pregnant and make it out of the first trimester, then I will put adoption plans on hold, but not until then. If we have already signed with an agency and paid our money, then I guess we will have two babies. If we haven't signed with an agency yet, then the money raised to that point (if there is any) will be used to buy nursery items and pay medical bills. Honestly though, I just want answers that no doctor has been able to give me so far.
As far as the adoption process goes, we have only raised $120 so far. That is a long way from how much we have to have before we can sign with an agency. I ordered brochures for a candle fundraiser and I should get those in about a week. Hopefully I will be able to raise a little money with that. My wonderful best friend and sister has been helping me come up with some other fundraising ideas that we will be putting together in the next few months. I don't know if any of the fundraising is going to pay off enough to be worth it, but I have to at least try. However, it looks like we will end up needing a loan for the full $25,000 amount. I don't think I will make the deadline for the first set of adoption grants for next year either, so I will have to do that in the later part of the year. I am still debating between a couple of different agencies/facilitators too. Each one has its own pros and cons, which makes it a really hard decision.
Well guys, I just wanted to give you an update on where everything is headed at the moment. If anyone wants information on the candles I will be selling then just let me know. Also, if anyone has any ideas for fundraisers or anything like that then message me. Be sure to visit my Facebook page and there is also a page for donations. If you like gift certificates for restaurants, then you can donate $20 and get a $50 gift certificate. Thanks for all of your support!
http://www.gofundme.com/CallieTorreyAdoptionFund
http://coupaide.com/deal/daniels-adoption-fundraiser/
https://www.facebook.com/GotAnyKids
As far as the adoption process goes, we have only raised $120 so far. That is a long way from how much we have to have before we can sign with an agency. I ordered brochures for a candle fundraiser and I should get those in about a week. Hopefully I will be able to raise a little money with that. My wonderful best friend and sister has been helping me come up with some other fundraising ideas that we will be putting together in the next few months. I don't know if any of the fundraising is going to pay off enough to be worth it, but I have to at least try. However, it looks like we will end up needing a loan for the full $25,000 amount. I don't think I will make the deadline for the first set of adoption grants for next year either, so I will have to do that in the later part of the year. I am still debating between a couple of different agencies/facilitators too. Each one has its own pros and cons, which makes it a really hard decision.
Well guys, I just wanted to give you an update on where everything is headed at the moment. If anyone wants information on the candles I will be selling then just let me know. Also, if anyone has any ideas for fundraisers or anything like that then message me. Be sure to visit my Facebook page and there is also a page for donations. If you like gift certificates for restaurants, then you can donate $20 and get a $50 gift certificate. Thanks for all of your support!
http://www.gofundme.com/CallieTorreyAdoptionFund
http://coupaide.com/deal/daniels-adoption-fundraiser/
https://www.facebook.com/GotAnyKids
December 18, 2012
First Things First
Hello everyone! It seems like I have been chasing down leads to make money for the adoption for days. I think I have looked at every adoption loan and grant that is out there. I have also been trying to come up with some fundraisers to do. That last part isn't coming along so well. I think I will see if the grocery store will let me do a hot dog/bake sale and I'm going to start gathering things and taking donations for a yard sale. If I can ever make it out to the store, I am going to put together a nice gift basket and take chances on it. There is a candle fundraiser I could try too, if I can get some people to help me out selling them. I am going to make up some flyers with the donation account on it and see if businesses will let me put them up on their billboards with all the other random ads. I may even get creative and make some bracelets or something to sell, but we'll have to see if I'm any good at that sort of thing first. I want to have some shirts made to sell, but I don't know of a place that would do it cheap so that I could make some profit from it. If any of you can come up with some other ideas, pretty please, let me know.
I have applications for all kinds of adoption grants, but there is one little snag. The majority of them require that you already have your home study done before you can apply for them and the the other half require that you have already signed your contract with an agency. First things first, we need to settle on a house ASAP. While the hubby is gone to work these two weeks, I am going to be doing a lot of driving around and looking at the places we narrowed it down to. I would really like to be able to get the paperwork started on one by the end of the month and no later than the middle of January. Hopefully things will go smoothly this time, unlike the two other times we tried to buy a house, and we will be able to close on it by the end of March. I was really hoping we could get a house and get the home study done by the end of April in order to meet the deadline for the first set of grants that go out, but it's not looking good. Patience was never one of my strong points and I find myself getting more and more restless and anxious. For once, since my first miscarriage, I am again excited and hopeful that I will be holding my own little baby in my arms soon. The really wonderful thing is that not only will it make my life so much more, it will be giving a home to a baby that desperately needs it. That's an amazing thing to think about.
The next thing on the list, after the house and the home study, is deciding on which agency to use. This is a decision I have been struggling with a lot. Of course, some are cheaper than others and they all provide different services, but I just can't decide. I have narrowed it down to about four, but I still need to get a little more information before I make my final decision. Once I pick one, I can go ahead and fill out the application. I have to be approved before we ever start talking money or signing contracts. Ultimately, I have to decide if I am going to pay a little more for the full service of an agency or pay a little less for a facilitator. If I choose a facilitator I will pretty much have to do most everything by myself and that is a scary thought since it will be my first time.
Money, money, money..that's what it all boils down to. I feel like I've got to get some of our monthly debt paid off so that we have more to put towards a loan payment after the house and so it will raise the hubby's credit and we will be eligible for more on the adoption loan. It feels like a completely pointless task, but I 'm trying. I just filled out a form tonight to try to get my student loans cancelled since my college lost its accreditation. Hopefully that goes as planned and I won't have to worry about student loan payments anymore. We cut out television completely and we really don't have any other luxury expenses. Everything else we have to pay are things we have no choice about. The first thing on my list is to tackle the credit card debt. It's not much, but we will need those credit cards for the adoption and paying them back off will up hubby's credit score some. I really need to get some fundraising money or donations coming in so that we can pay the first part of the payment to whichever agency we decide to go with. I am relying heavily on my friends and family to help me get the word out to others and to help with the fundraisers. I hope they are up to the task.
Well, I really just wanted to give everyone a brief update as to what has been going on. If anyone wants to help out by donating money, you can get in touch with me or go to the donation page. If you would like to donate items for a yard sale or to take chances on, then get in touch with me directly or a family member. I ask that you please share my fundraiser page, blog and/or Facebook page with the people you know via Facebook, Twitter or any other means you choose. Thank you everyone that has shown their support, you will never know how much it means to us. Love and baby dust!!
http://www.gofundme.com/CallieTorreyAdoptionFund
I have applications for all kinds of adoption grants, but there is one little snag. The majority of them require that you already have your home study done before you can apply for them and the the other half require that you have already signed your contract with an agency. First things first, we need to settle on a house ASAP. While the hubby is gone to work these two weeks, I am going to be doing a lot of driving around and looking at the places we narrowed it down to. I would really like to be able to get the paperwork started on one by the end of the month and no later than the middle of January. Hopefully things will go smoothly this time, unlike the two other times we tried to buy a house, and we will be able to close on it by the end of March. I was really hoping we could get a house and get the home study done by the end of April in order to meet the deadline for the first set of grants that go out, but it's not looking good. Patience was never one of my strong points and I find myself getting more and more restless and anxious. For once, since my first miscarriage, I am again excited and hopeful that I will be holding my own little baby in my arms soon. The really wonderful thing is that not only will it make my life so much more, it will be giving a home to a baby that desperately needs it. That's an amazing thing to think about.
The next thing on the list, after the house and the home study, is deciding on which agency to use. This is a decision I have been struggling with a lot. Of course, some are cheaper than others and they all provide different services, but I just can't decide. I have narrowed it down to about four, but I still need to get a little more information before I make my final decision. Once I pick one, I can go ahead and fill out the application. I have to be approved before we ever start talking money or signing contracts. Ultimately, I have to decide if I am going to pay a little more for the full service of an agency or pay a little less for a facilitator. If I choose a facilitator I will pretty much have to do most everything by myself and that is a scary thought since it will be my first time.
Money, money, money..that's what it all boils down to. I feel like I've got to get some of our monthly debt paid off so that we have more to put towards a loan payment after the house and so it will raise the hubby's credit and we will be eligible for more on the adoption loan. It feels like a completely pointless task, but I 'm trying. I just filled out a form tonight to try to get my student loans cancelled since my college lost its accreditation. Hopefully that goes as planned and I won't have to worry about student loan payments anymore. We cut out television completely and we really don't have any other luxury expenses. Everything else we have to pay are things we have no choice about. The first thing on my list is to tackle the credit card debt. It's not much, but we will need those credit cards for the adoption and paying them back off will up hubby's credit score some. I really need to get some fundraising money or donations coming in so that we can pay the first part of the payment to whichever agency we decide to go with. I am relying heavily on my friends and family to help me get the word out to others and to help with the fundraisers. I hope they are up to the task.
Well, I really just wanted to give everyone a brief update as to what has been going on. If anyone wants to help out by donating money, you can get in touch with me or go to the donation page. If you would like to donate items for a yard sale or to take chances on, then get in touch with me directly or a family member. I ask that you please share my fundraiser page, blog and/or Facebook page with the people you know via Facebook, Twitter or any other means you choose. Thank you everyone that has shown their support, you will never know how much it means to us. Love and baby dust!!
http://www.gofundme.com/CallieTorreyAdoptionFund
December 13, 2012
Adoption It Is
I have finally made a decision. I am throwing myself into adoption full force. It wasn't an easy decision to make, giving up on my dream to have a child of my own and give birth to it, but I finally did it. In all honesty, I didn't have much of a choice. The constant disappointment and failed attempts at getting pregnant couldn't go on forever, or I would have gone crazy. I think I have tortured myself enough. It's time to move on. However, I now have the huge task of somehow coming up with the roughly $20,000 it will take to adopt a baby. For some reason, that doesn't sound nearly as hard to me as getting pregnant myself. I have always been creative and determined. I WILL find a way.
I have given some thought to new ways to make some extra money and came up with a few ideas I will try. I don't know if any of them will generate enough profit to be worth it, but it's worth a shot. In the next few weeks, I will be ordering supplies to make bath bombs, tarts, candles, primitives and various other things. I am going to put together some gift baskets and take chances on them. I am going to make some baked goods to wrap and sell. Then there is the webpage. I have set up a page on the site gofundme.com so that anyone can go and donate to help us raise the money. If I have to make signs and sit on a corner somewhere begging for money, I will do it. This is something that I have to make happen. If I give up on having kids in my life, I might as well lay down and die. It's that important to me. If any of you have an idea on raising money, please let me know.
There are grants and adoption loans you can get to help you with paying for the adoption, but there is a catch. The grants have very strict guidelines on who qualifies and they only give so many per year. Plus, they are non-profit organizations that run off of donations. They are limited to what funds they have to give. A lot of the grants also require that you are already in the adoption process and have already paid most of the costs. The loans also have strict guidelines and you usually have to have extremely good credit to qualify. You also run the risk of not getting approved for the full amount you need. For the most part, you need to be able to provide most of the money for adoption yourself. Most people that adopt have wealthy friends and family that gift the money to them. I don't have that luxury, so I will need to find other options. I will apply for the grants, but I'm not going to depend on getting them.
Now, I have been researching different adoption agencies. Of course, there really aren't but a few that are licensed in West Virginia. This means I will probably have to use a facilitator instead of an agency. The facilitator will match me with a birth mother, but all the leg work and legal aspects are left up to me. I am totally clueless on anything like that, so finding a good adoption attorney that knows their stuff around here is going to be very important. I will also be responsible for finding an attorney to handle the birth mother's end of things in whatever state she lives in. It is going to be a stressful and hard process, but I think I will be able to manage it. The hardest part will be the money. I have found a couple of facilitators that look like they are what we need and have applications for them. However, I would like to have all of the cash to pay their fee and a little extra already saved up before I actually pick one and apply.
So, that is where I am at this point. My friends and family, I am asking for your help. If you can donate any amount at all, it would be greatly appreciated. Any fundraising ideas you may have would be greatly appreciated as well. Please spread the word, anyone can help. Go to my fundraising webpage and share to your Facebook and Twitter pages. As always, thank you for your support.
http://www.gofundme.com/CallieTorreyAdoptionFund
I have given some thought to new ways to make some extra money and came up with a few ideas I will try. I don't know if any of them will generate enough profit to be worth it, but it's worth a shot. In the next few weeks, I will be ordering supplies to make bath bombs, tarts, candles, primitives and various other things. I am going to put together some gift baskets and take chances on them. I am going to make some baked goods to wrap and sell. Then there is the webpage. I have set up a page on the site gofundme.com so that anyone can go and donate to help us raise the money. If I have to make signs and sit on a corner somewhere begging for money, I will do it. This is something that I have to make happen. If I give up on having kids in my life, I might as well lay down and die. It's that important to me. If any of you have an idea on raising money, please let me know.
There are grants and adoption loans you can get to help you with paying for the adoption, but there is a catch. The grants have very strict guidelines on who qualifies and they only give so many per year. Plus, they are non-profit organizations that run off of donations. They are limited to what funds they have to give. A lot of the grants also require that you are already in the adoption process and have already paid most of the costs. The loans also have strict guidelines and you usually have to have extremely good credit to qualify. You also run the risk of not getting approved for the full amount you need. For the most part, you need to be able to provide most of the money for adoption yourself. Most people that adopt have wealthy friends and family that gift the money to them. I don't have that luxury, so I will need to find other options. I will apply for the grants, but I'm not going to depend on getting them.
Now, I have been researching different adoption agencies. Of course, there really aren't but a few that are licensed in West Virginia. This means I will probably have to use a facilitator instead of an agency. The facilitator will match me with a birth mother, but all the leg work and legal aspects are left up to me. I am totally clueless on anything like that, so finding a good adoption attorney that knows their stuff around here is going to be very important. I will also be responsible for finding an attorney to handle the birth mother's end of things in whatever state she lives in. It is going to be a stressful and hard process, but I think I will be able to manage it. The hardest part will be the money. I have found a couple of facilitators that look like they are what we need and have applications for them. However, I would like to have all of the cash to pay their fee and a little extra already saved up before I actually pick one and apply.
So, that is where I am at this point. My friends and family, I am asking for your help. If you can donate any amount at all, it would be greatly appreciated. Any fundraising ideas you may have would be greatly appreciated as well. Please spread the word, anyone can help. Go to my fundraising webpage and share to your Facebook and Twitter pages. As always, thank you for your support.
http://www.gofundme.com/CallieTorreyAdoptionFund
October 4, 2012
Angel Babies
I guess most of you know that October is Cancer Awareness Month, but did you know that it is also Pregnancy, Infant and Child Loss Awareness Month? Those of us that have angel babies will use this month to honor and remember our lost children. For those of you that have never lost a child or pregnancy, I would be willing to bet that you know someone that has, even if they never told you about it. In our society today, miscarriage and child loss is still a very taboo subject. It is not to be talked about or brought up in conversation. If we can't talk about it, then how are we ever going to cope with it? Please, anyone that is reading this, do something to show your support for the ones around you that have suffered loss. The ones that it will matter to will notice, I can promise you that. It may even make them feel like they can open up to you and share their story. I had no idea how surrounded I was by people that had gone through similar experiences as myself, not until I decided to open up about my own story. People like me are everywhere, whether you believe it or not. There are probably even some in your own family, a family secret that has been locked away. People like to think that if you don't talk about something then it isn't true or it's not real. The truth is, when you are dealing with something like this, it makes it that much harder. It makes us feel like nobody cares that our child died. We feel alone, like we are now outcasts of society. We feel like there is something wrong with us. People often think they are doing us a favor by not talking to us about it, but that only makes us feel more isolated. We WANT to remember them and talk about them. We WANT to know that other people remember and most of all, that other people care about our loss. When something like this happens you need a support system. You need people there beside of you, holding your hand and helping you cope. It's just too much to try to handle by yourself. October 15 is the day that most of us celebrate with some kind of act to remember and honor our angel babies. Do us all favor and help us in remembering and honoring our lost angels on that day. To those that have suffered loss, it will mean more than you could ever know.
I have personally been having a hard time lately. It seems the more time that passes, the more I think of the two babies I lost. I wonder what they would have looked like, what kind of personality they would have had and if they would have been boys, girls or one of each. I never got to hold them, but I miss them more than I could ever put into words. In 9 more days it will be a year exactly that I lost the second one, he/she should have been almost a year and a half old right now. My first one should have been almost three now. I know deep down in my soul that I will never have children, I just wish that I could make my heart come to terms with it. Then I could stop thinking about it, worrying about it, researching it and trying every possible treatment that I can come up with. I just wish the doctors would tell me that I will never be able to get pregnant again. I think hearing it that way would put my mind to rest, but instead they keep telling me I should be able to get pregnant and carry to term. Then why haven't I?? I have so much anger, bitterness and hurt stored up inside me and I don't know what to do with it anymore.
Anyone that has been following my blog knows that I dreamed of my mother in law (who passed away) and losing my baby before it actually happened. Now here it is almost exactly a year later and I dreamed of her again. I can't for the life of me figure out why and to tell the truth it is a little bit creepy. I also can't remember what the dream was. I know I was sitting at a table outside and it was apparent that she had been gone a long time. Everyone else at the table was taking turns getting up and hugging her. Eventually I was the only one left and I sat there looking at her, not knowing if I should get up or not. Then she looked at me and told me to come over. I stood up and slowly walked over to where she was standing and she hugged me. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and instantly I felt a huge relief. I don't know why. I don't know why she was there, who the people were or what we were doing and I can't remember what happened after that. All I remember is this huge feeling of being okay. Anyone that knows me will know why this is so weird for me, but I'm not going to go into detail about it here.
I know women with PCOS and endometriosis can get pregnant and carry to term, it happens all the time. Especially women with these conditions that eat better and take the medication, but none of that has helped me. Obviously they are missing something. I don't know what, but I know there is something. I just wish they would figure it out and give me a definitive diagnosis and outcome. I want so bad to go to Johns Hopkins and see the fertility specialists there that I can hardly stand it. Our insurance isn't as good as it was though and it would be costly, not to mention gas money and a place to stay. The way that the hubby works would make it extremely hard for when both of us need to be present at a visit. I guess I am just at the point where all I can see there is left to do is throw my hands up in defeat. I don't know what to do, where to go or if there even is anything else I can do. Money makes the world go around and when you need help to have a baby that statement is as true as ever. I wish I had $30,000 just lying around to try in-vitro or adopt, but I don't and never will. It's time to slowly start giving up I think.
~If you would like some ideas on what to do on October 15 to show your support you can google Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness or go to www.october15.com and see the ideas they have there.~
*Don't forget to share this blog with the share button at the top of the page, so that it may reach others that need support. Also check out the facebook page, there is a button for that too. Lastly, subscribe so that you never miss an update. Baby Dust!*
I have personally been having a hard time lately. It seems the more time that passes, the more I think of the two babies I lost. I wonder what they would have looked like, what kind of personality they would have had and if they would have been boys, girls or one of each. I never got to hold them, but I miss them more than I could ever put into words. In 9 more days it will be a year exactly that I lost the second one, he/she should have been almost a year and a half old right now. My first one should have been almost three now. I know deep down in my soul that I will never have children, I just wish that I could make my heart come to terms with it. Then I could stop thinking about it, worrying about it, researching it and trying every possible treatment that I can come up with. I just wish the doctors would tell me that I will never be able to get pregnant again. I think hearing it that way would put my mind to rest, but instead they keep telling me I should be able to get pregnant and carry to term. Then why haven't I?? I have so much anger, bitterness and hurt stored up inside me and I don't know what to do with it anymore.
Anyone that has been following my blog knows that I dreamed of my mother in law (who passed away) and losing my baby before it actually happened. Now here it is almost exactly a year later and I dreamed of her again. I can't for the life of me figure out why and to tell the truth it is a little bit creepy. I also can't remember what the dream was. I know I was sitting at a table outside and it was apparent that she had been gone a long time. Everyone else at the table was taking turns getting up and hugging her. Eventually I was the only one left and I sat there looking at her, not knowing if I should get up or not. Then she looked at me and told me to come over. I stood up and slowly walked over to where she was standing and she hugged me. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and instantly I felt a huge relief. I don't know why. I don't know why she was there, who the people were or what we were doing and I can't remember what happened after that. All I remember is this huge feeling of being okay. Anyone that knows me will know why this is so weird for me, but I'm not going to go into detail about it here.
I know women with PCOS and endometriosis can get pregnant and carry to term, it happens all the time. Especially women with these conditions that eat better and take the medication, but none of that has helped me. Obviously they are missing something. I don't know what, but I know there is something. I just wish they would figure it out and give me a definitive diagnosis and outcome. I want so bad to go to Johns Hopkins and see the fertility specialists there that I can hardly stand it. Our insurance isn't as good as it was though and it would be costly, not to mention gas money and a place to stay. The way that the hubby works would make it extremely hard for when both of us need to be present at a visit. I guess I am just at the point where all I can see there is left to do is throw my hands up in defeat. I don't know what to do, where to go or if there even is anything else I can do. Money makes the world go around and when you need help to have a baby that statement is as true as ever. I wish I had $30,000 just lying around to try in-vitro or adopt, but I don't and never will. It's time to slowly start giving up I think.
~If you would like some ideas on what to do on October 15 to show your support you can google Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness or go to www.october15.com and see the ideas they have there.~
*Don't forget to share this blog with the share button at the top of the page, so that it may reach others that need support. Also check out the facebook page, there is a button for that too. Lastly, subscribe so that you never miss an update. Baby Dust!*
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