Game Plan

Today has been very bittersweet for me. The first thing I did when I left the house this morning was go to the funeral home. Today I said goodbye to one of the best friends I've had. I wasn't sure before I left the house if I was going to be able to go in the room and actually see with my own eyes that he was gone. I was sick to my stomach all the way down there and when I finally saw him laying there it just seemed so unreal. Even now I feel like I could call or text him and he would answer me. There will definitely be a hole in my life and the lives of my family that nobody else will ever be able to fill. I hate that I couldn't go to the actual service and show support for his family, but this was a very important doctor appointment and he would have wanted me to go. 

The doctor visit had my stomach twisting into knots too. Sitting in that waiting room and waiting for my name to be called was awful. A million things kept going through my head. What if they tell me there is something really wrong with me? What if they tell me I'll never be able to get pregnant again? What if they tell me that I'll never be able to carry one to term? What if they tell me they can't help me? Once the nurse finally called me back and got my vitals, she started with the questions and wanting to know who in my family had what health problems. There are a lot of things that run in my family. We've got cancer, heart problems, thyroid problems, my great aunt had multiple miscarriages and the list goes on and on. I kept waiting on them to tell me that I'm just genetically screwed. Going back into the actual office of the doctor was the worst. That's when we started going over my past medical records and the exhaustive list of things we tried, that ultimately failed. By the end of it though, we had a game plan. The doctor wasn't really happy with some of the work another doctor had done, so he ordered a ton of blood tests (about ten or twelve vials) and is scheduling me for an HSG test next week. The course of treatment that was decided on was an aggressive IUI cycle. He seems to think that I will respond better to that and it's cheaper than IVF. I do have to agree that if I end up with more than three embryos, that I will selectively reduce. They won't allow you to carry more than three. Although, judging from my past experience, I don't think that will be a problem because I am typically a poor responder. Also, he has been doing this for thirty some years and has only had that happen about three or four times. The meds are still pretty expensive and we are having to pay everything out of pocket. So, if this one doesn't work we will see what the doctor recommends, but we will only do a max of two of these cycles. Financially, if two don't work then it would be better for us to get the loan and go for in-vitro. Not to mention, it's been five years and I'm getting impatient. When we do the IUI cycle they will also do a full semen analysis with the andrology lab. My cycles have been getting shorter and shorter. I ovulated on cycle day 7 this time and that's going to give me about a 19 day cycle length. This makes me worry because it makes it hard to predict if the hubby is even going to be able to be home when the IUI will need to be done. The meds are way to expensive for wasted cycles. We hope to be able to do start the medication and do the IUI my next cycle. The meds are ordered from Europe though, so it will depend on when they get here. It should be here in about three weeks max. I'm not getting my hopes up this time. I'm just going to try to roll with things and if it happens it happens and if not, we move on to the next step. I seriously have to keep stress levels down this time. I'm so ready for things to go right for a change. At least now I can say that we are seeing the doctor and actively trying to get our healthy baby again. It's been two years, which was my last miscarriage, since we saw the doctor for my infertility. 

Now I just want to drop a note about the Pregnitude. As far as the doctor is concerned, I can still take it. I am also thinking that maybe that has something to do with my cycles getting shorter. I would definitely recommend giving it a shot. Of course I am on prenatals and DHA too. The prenatal vitamins I choose to take are a whole food veggie cap. They are called Baby and Me.

I want to say thank you to everyone that has shown support to me over the years and to all my readers, especially the ones that comment how much they can relate to my story. You guys are why I keep this blog up. I want you all to know that you are not alone and maybe I can give a voice to what you are feeling for those of you that are afraid to speak out. Visit the Facebook page for info and to connect with other people. I would appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we start back on this journey. Thank you all!