Ovacue Review

Ovacue, this review has been a long time coming and I'm sorry that it has taken so long to get to it. The Ovacue monitor claims to predict up to a seven day fertile window. That way you can plan intercourse accordingly. It claims to not only predict ovulation, but also to confirm that you actually did or did not ovulate. It is supposed to work for those that have PCOS and/or irregular cycles. There are no recurring costs, such as test sticks. All you need is the monitor, the saliva sensor and the vaginal sensor. They say that the vaginal sensor is optional, but ovulation can't be confirmed without it. There is the traditional monitor, which is what I have, and there is the sensors that connect straight to your phone.

How does it work? The sensors are supposed to detect changes in electrolyte levels in your saliva and cervical mucous. You place the oral sensor on your tongue every morning, before you eat, drink, smoke, etc. The monitor will track the trends in your electrolytes and looks for what they call a Cue Peak. Once the Cue Peak is identified, the monitor will populate your fertile window. The vaginal sensor is supposed to determine if you ovulated by looking for the trend that shows a move from estrogen dominance to progesterone dominance. The readings will be higher than pre-ovulation readings and stay high through the luteal phase. Their website boasts that it is 98.3% effective. Word of warning, don't try to interpret the readings. The numbers don't really mean anything, the trend is what you look at. There is an online community and an app for users. If you are having trouble deciphering your chart, there are specialists in the forums that can help you. The monitor runs $349 for the traditional and $299 for the mobile.

Now on to my personal experience with it. I got pregnant the second month I used this, but this monitor didn't help me get pregnant in any way. My fertile window and ovulation day was off the first and second month I used it. The month that I got pregnant, it actually gave me error codes. Fast forward to about a year later. I got it out to start trying for baby number 2. My vaginal sensor wasn't working. It had been on a shelf in the closet of my bathroom with nothing on top of it and nothing touching it, but when I got it out it wouldn't work. The sensors have a one year warranty, but of course my warranty was up. So I had to fork out $100 to get a new one. I used that one for a while, but before my year was up it had also quit working. I now have another one that I got from the warranty. If this one stops working then I won't be buying anymore. Reading over some of the forums and reviews, this seems to be an ongoing issue that apparently hasn't been dealt with yet. I have had no issues from the oral sensor and the one I have is the original one that came with it when I bought it in 2013. Does it work? For me...NO. Not one time has it ever predicted my fertile window correctly and the days that it confirms I ovulated has never been the day that I actually ovulated. This is the case even if I don't go by what it populates and only look at the trends. The vaginal readings are supposed to stay elevated after ovulation to coincide with elevated progesterone. My vaginal readings are always low after ovulation, which would cause some of the specialists to tell you to look into luteal phase defect or low progesterone levels. Any time I have asked them about why my chart doesn't ever follow the pattern it is supposed to they say that there could be many things causing it. Which basically means they don't know. They give the same copy and paste answers to every person that asks a question like that and tells everyone that if your cycles are irregular that you can't go off of what the monitor tells you. Instead, you have to decipher the trends in your numbers yourself or have them do it. Which, like I said earlier, it is still wrong even then. For example, last month I was on Clomid. I know that I ovulated because I had a clear temp shift and my seven day progesterone was 17.4. However, my vaginal readings stayed low after ovulation and did not always stay as high as my pre-ovulation readings. So basically this monitor does absolutely nothing for me and I wasted almost $400 on it, plus the extra $100 for the new sensor. If it works for some of you, that's great and I wish you luck. I personally cannot recommend for people to pay that much money on a product that over the course of three years hasn't gotten it right once. I also read over the forums quite a bit to see what experience others are having with it and there seems to be the same issues popping up with many people. If you have that kind of money to throw out and see if it works, by all means go for it. It may work for you. If you are on a tighter budget, I wouldn't risk it. If I knew when I bought it what I know now, I wouldn't have spent the money on it.

Below is my chart from last month. You can see from my temps when I actually ovulated (which also coincides with my positive urine ovulation test) and see that my vaginal readings were low.

If you have used the Ovacue monitor, please let us know what your experience with it was  by commenting below.

Two More To Go

Well, my first month back on Clomid was a failure. I most definitely did ovulate, but pregnancy tests were stark white. My Progesterone level was 17.4. That's not the best level I've ever had, but it was sufficient for my doctor. I did have a very clear temp shift, much more clear than some I've had lately. The plan right now is to finish this second round of Clomid and then do one more. If I still don't get pregnant, then I go back to the doctor to decide what to do next. My guess would be he'll suggest and injectable IUI course or just a Clomid IUI. I will try one IUI and possibly two. I haven't decided yet. What I really want to do is save up the money to go to CNY Fertility in New York and have an IVF cycle done. That will be the last thing I will try. If I still don't get pregnant after doing IVF I will wait until I'm 35 and then I will have a hysterectomy done. Hopefully my predisposition to pre-cancer cells won't force me to have it done earlier. I have spent so much of the last eight years obsessing over tracking everything and trying to get pregnant. I really just want to relax and enjoy life without thinking about it. I just can't until I know I have tried everything.

Okay, let's talk a little about the Ovulation Double Check tests. I used the tests with my last cycle and I know that I ovulated. The tests had two dark lines when I first started them. After a couple of days they did get very faint, but they didn't completely disappear. After speaking with Amy from MFB Fertility we think we may have figured out why. In about 5-7% of women, the progesterone is metabolized so fast that it may not register a true positive on the test. I know that I metabolize most things more quickly than other people and I feel this is probably what happened. The important thing is that the tests did get very faint, so I can make sure to look for that change and know that if I had a clear temp shift I more than likely did ovulate. Of course every cycle is different and I may get a true positive next time. Amy herself struggled with infertility and was blessed with two children. She says these tests are her way of giving back and helping those of us still struggling. She has been very helpful with any questions and feedback I have for her. I also wanted to add that the price they are on Amazon will not be going up. That was a misunderstanding on my part. After all is said and done, I highly recommend these tests for anyone that is trying to conceive and wants to make sure that they are ovulating. A lot of money can be saved on pregnancy tests if we know if we even ovulated or not. The customer service is amazing and the product itself is of very good quality. Give them a try!

On another note, who is ready for warmer weather? This cold weather is absolutely killing me. It's so pretty outside, but it's so cold. One day will be warm enough for tank tops and then it snows that night. I'm ready for fires and fishing and boating and everything summer. I know my daughter is getting tired of being cooped up inside. She's started being a little bit of a brat. She needs to be able to go outside and run off some energy. We have gotten out a few times, but hopefully warmer weather is coming soon.

Suggestions! - If there are any topics that you would like to see me cover or a product you would like to see a review on...PLEASE just let me know. This isn't a blog just about me and my journey, it's also to provide information to those of you looking for answers.

Ovulation Double Check

I don't know if very many of you know about this product yet, but there is an at home test that claims to confirm whether or not you ovulated. The product is called Ovulation Double Check and it is a test stick that you dip in your urine. It looks and works much the same way as the cheapie pregnancy tests. A company called MFB Fertility manufactures the product. According to them the test checks for Pregnanediol Glucuronide (PdG), which is the major urine metabolite of Progesterone. Progesterone is the hormone your body produces after it ovulates. It is also the hormone responsible for the temp shift if you track your temperature. MFB Fertility says that the presence of PgD in urine directly correlates with the presence of progesterone in blood. PgD levels in urine typically rise 24-36 hours after ovulation. They recommend that the tests are stored at room temperature in the sealed pouch they come packaged in and that they be kept away from direct sunlight, moisture and heat. Each pouch contains one test strip and it should be used as soon as it is opened. The tests come with a paper printed with instructions and information, including when and how to test. Unlike pregnancy tests, two lines is a negative result and one line is a positive. MFB Fertility says that in their studies most users reported a positive result 3-6 days after suspected ovulation. The pack contains seven individually packaged test strips. The tests are FDA Registered and are manufactured in an FDA approved facility.

Now, I feel that if these tests strips work, it could change the TTC world. There would be no more guessing whether or not you ovulated. There would be no back and forth to the lab for blood work to see if you ovulated. Anyone would be able to know if they ovulated or not, even those that are in between doctors or have some other problem with getting blood work. Think of the money you could save in pregnancy tests if you know you didn't ovulate. Some people have regular cycles and don't understand why they aren't getting pregnant and it's because they aren't actually ovulating. Those people would now be able to find out. Some people track their temperatures, have a temp shift and aren't actually ovulating, now you can find out. This is a great concept and I was very excited when I first heard about it, which was actually before it was even available for sale. I bought three packs of them from their crowdfund site. I paid $70 for 21 test strips. I feel like that was a little more than I wanted to pay, but still a pretty fair price. The tests are now for sale on Amazon, but it's $39.99 for 7 or $79.99 for 21 tests and according to MFB Fertility's Facebook page the price will be going up. Personally, I won't be buying anymore for that and I think that is a very steep price. You can get online and order a blood progesterone test for $50.

It seems that the majority of users of these tests are using them for birth control along with NFP rather than trying to get pregnant, which is interesting to me. I really thought there would be a larger following from the TTC world, especially from those that can't reliably use OPK's because of elevated LH. Women with PCOS will typically have that problem. I see so many people in FB groups and in forums that think they have already ovulated, but then their temps get weird or they get egg white cm. There wouldn't be so much guessing or being confused if you were using these. I don't know if the TTC world just hasn't really gotten wind of this product yet or what.

The tests themselves seem to be of good quality. The problem with strips tends to be that they are pretty small and thin, which can make them hard to read at times. However, these strips are decent size and I don't think reading them will be a problem. I can't say whether or not they are accurate yet. I should be ovulating in the next few days and once I do I will make a new post to let you know how they worked. All in all, I think if they work and they can find a way to make them more affordable, this will be an amazing product that everyone will want to have in their TTC arsenal. If you want to check it out for yourself then check out their website. They also have an email if you have any questions. If you have used the product, I would love to hear about your experience. Baby dust!

Round 1 (Again)

I haven't forgotten about you and I'm sorry I've been MIA. The only internet I have right now is running hotspot from my phone. I barely have enough service to work the phone itself, much less run the computer. It took 20 minutes of waiting to get this page to load so I could write this post. You would think someone would have come up with a better way for people that travel to have Wifi since our data slows to nonexistent speeds after so many GB. If someone could please do that I would really appreciate it!

Anyway, I had my appointment with my RE a few weeks ago. We are going to try Clomid for a while first and see what happens. I started on 100mg this time instead of the 50mg. Last time I was on it I ended up on 150mg before I called it quits. I'm currently on cd 6 (ugh). He mentioned possibly doing IUI if we don't have results with Clomid. I don't know if I would do IUI again or not. We tried it twice before and had zero results with it. He did test my AMH and I am patiently waiting for the results. To be honest, I'm pretty nervous about that test. As most of you probably know, AMH will tell us if I have enough eggs left to even bother ttc. I have often wondered if I have a low egg count and now I get to find out. Fair warning, if it comes back bad I will probably cry and curse a little bit. My main goal right now is get our credit cards paid off so that we can go to CNY in New York and do IVF. They are very cheap compared to many other centers and they have a great success rate. I have talked to many people that have gone there and I am determined that we will get there in the next year or two. I am currently in phlebotomy class so that I can get a job and help financially. Hopefully that will speed up the process and we can get there sooner rather than later.

I'm definitely having a hard time lately. Every day someone on FB posts that they are pregnant. This has been going on every day for the last few weeks. I'm seriously not exaggerating, not even a little bit. I know you won't believe that, but it's the truth. Every. Single. Day. I know there are a lot of people that get mad because that bothers me, but I really can't help it. It's not that I'm not happy for them, because I really am (mostly). It's just that every single new announcement is yet another reminder of my body's failure to do the one thing it was naturally designed to do. Just another reminder that all of the firsts I am experiencing with my daughter will more than likely also be my lasts. It's so frustrating that I am trying to so hard and doing all of the right things to make it happen and yet it's so easy for other people. I had really hoped that having my daughter would make the pain of infertility easier to deal with. I always thought that if I could just experience motherhood that it would be enough for me. In many ways it is and in many ways I'm totally okay if I never have another baby. The problem is that you never stop feeling broken. My body doesn't work the way it is supposed to. Period. Having my daughter hasn't changed that and hasn't changed what it feels like to know that. And it's not just having a baby. If we weren't ttc I would still be having problems because my cycles are so irregular. I have cysts on my ovaries that cause me excruciating pain that people think I exaggerate. My cramps are so painful that many people wouldn't be able to deal with it. It hurts. It hurts emotionally and physically. It's a lot to cope with and it's totally draining. Then, on top of all that, I feel like a failure to my husband. After many years and two losses I was finally able to give him a child, but he wants another one. Nothing can make that feeling of letting him down go away. I'm 30 and I've had fertility problems since my early 20's. My chances of getting pregnant now are pretty slim and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I think the thing that irritates me the most is that nobody that hasn't experienced problems can even begin to understand or empathize with what I'm going through. So it's basically like I have to deal with it all on my own and that's really hard. Sometimes I just need to breakdown and cry. I need to let it all out because holding it in just gets harder and harder, but when I do that people make me feel like I have no right to. It's a vicious cycle and it never ends.

*Baby Dust*

A Change Of Plans

Okay, so originally we had decided that we were going to have to drop our insurance because we couldn't afford it. I didn't even pay our December premium because I didn't really see the point since we would be dropping it at the end of the month. Well, a couple weeks ago I got a letter from our insurance company and it said that our premium was going to be a lot lower than the quote we had gotten online, although still pretty expensive. The plan itself is a lot different and definitely not as good, but at least it is insurance. Since my hubby's job is a little unstable and we could use the extra money, we did decide that I would get a job. The thought of leaving my baby to go to work, after being with her everyday for the last three years, is absolutely breaking my heart. I cry if I think about it too much and I know it's going to be really hard. I have been looking for weeks and put in numerous applications. I did get a call from one job and had the background check and everything done, but haven't heard back about a start date. Fingers crossed that I hear from them soon.

Now for the good stuff. The last couple of months I have gone all out on trying to track ovulation. I had two rounds of Clomid left over from the injectable cycle I was supposed to do when I found out I was pregnant with my baby girl. So I took it last month and this month. I have been using OPK's, Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor, Ovacue, checking cervical position/mucous and tracking BBT. This month we timed bd (baby dance) absolutely perfectly. So perfectly that I took the Progesterone I had left over from my last miscarriage. I was so sure that this would be our month. My positives before were on 9 and 10dpo, so I started testing at 8dpo. Tomorrow will be 11dpo and my tests are still negative, so I'm pretty sure that we are out this month. It's so frustrating! How can we hit every single day so perfect, have the progesterone supplement and it still not happen?! Even my cervical mucous this month was perfect. I usually have mostly watery cm and little to no egg white, but this month I had great cm that was spot on for my ovulation day. I usually have several patches of fertile cm through my cycle (thanks PCOS) and haven't had that problem this month. Of course it also doesn't help that my boobs have been sore for days, which doesn't usually happen unless I'm pregnant. Right now I'm just wishing that af would hurry up and show so that we can start over. I am a little excited about having an appointment with my RE on January 19.

So, now for some reviews about what I am currently using. I have reviewed the Clearblue Fertility Monitor before, so I will just say that I love it. I was using it while I was being tracked by the doctor with ultrasound and it was always right about when ovulation was. The only problem with it is that because you can only test once a day, there is the possibility that you can miss the surge. Other than that, this is my favorite monitor and I have used it for the last four years. As of right now, it will always be my go to and I highly recommend it. I am going to start using my saliva microscope again. I have only tried one and I highly recommend this one. It is the Fertile Focus Ovulation Microscope. I have started taking Pregnitude again. I am convinced that it helped my cycles become regular the last time I was on it. I have reviewed all of these before. If you would like to see what I had to say, you can look back through my 2013 posts. I have talked about the Ovacue monitor before, but I am going to do a post solely dedicated to reviewing that monitor. Be on the look out for that this week.

The ovulation strips I am using are LotFancy Ovulation strips and it also comes with pregnancy tests. I haven't used any other strips. These are cheap and I haven't had any problems with them, so I haven't seen the need to try another brand. I get them on Amazon for $12.80. It comes in a box with 50 LH strips and 20 Pregnancy tests. Since I am a Prime member, I get free two day shipping.

I really don't have a preference when it comes to thermometers or vitamins, whatever works for you and has the right amount of what you need. As always, just let me know if there is anything that you would like for me to test out or if you have any questions. Baby dust to you all!

The Cherry On Top

I'm so upset and irritated right now that I don't know if I want to scream or cry. I will probably do both before it's over. I'm so over Obamacare and "Affordable" health insurance. We have been paying $683 a month this year for coverage for our family. That's more than one of our truck payments. Insurance through my husband's job would be $1200 a month, which is more than one of his pay days. We've had to struggle just to survive and put food on the table and keep some sense of normalcy for our daughter. We are living in our camper, semi moved to another state for his job, rented out our house, cut every non essential bill we had. We did everything you are "supposed" to do and we still can't afford it! How did anyone back this plan? How does anyone think this is affordable? In all of Obamacare there is only two good points. 1. Kids can stay on their parents insurance until they are 26. (Personally I think this should only apply to students and if you are married, have kids and filing your own taxes then you should have your own insurance.) 2. Insurance can't turn you down for pre-existing conditions. The rest of it is crap. When they decide whether or not you get premium help, they only care if the employee can get affordable insurance through their job. They don't care at all if you can't afford the family plan so that your spouse and kids can have insurance. I guess they just want you to get that penalty at tax time.

As most of you know, we have been trying to get pregnant again for almost three years now. I had another miscarriage in August and now I have made an extremely heartbreaking decision. Since we can't afford this "affordable" health insurance, we are going to have to go without insurance next year. The penalty is a little more than what one month's premium would be, so obviously it's WAY cheaper to take the penalty. A little over $12,000 cheaper actually. Since short term insurance doesn't cover maternity and according to the state my husband makes too much money even on unemployment to get state health insurance, that means I can't get pregnant. There is no way we could afford prenatal care and labor and delivery costs out of pocket. We both want another child so bad and I really can't explain how mad it makes me that any chance I had (and my chances were already slim) is taken away from me by this stupid insurance law. It's not like we didn't already have everything going against us when it came to having a baby. It took five years, two miscarriages and so many doctor visits to have our daughter. It's already been almost three years and one miscarriage since we've been trying again. Then throw this on top of it. I wish so bad that I could put into words what I am feeling, but none of the words that I can think of seem to do what I'm feeling any justice. Just suffice it to say that I'm mad and a I'm mad as hell!

That's not even the best part. The job that my husband came back to in Ohio is more than likely only going to last about three more weeks. Then he will laid off again. For the third time this year. It will be about a week before my daughter's birthday and two weeks before Christmas. Being that it will be the end of the year and cold, most jobs won't be hiring. My stress level is going through the roof. I am losing my grasp on my hope. Family is supposed to be the foundation of everything and our country has made it so that it's easier to get help and get insurance if you are single rather than a family. There is NO help for a working family. What is happening?

This year has absolutely been the worst year for us. I hope and pray that next year is better. If it gets any worse I honestly don't know how we'll make it. We could really use some prayers, good thoughts or whatever you believe in coming our way.

Blessed

I'm sitting here at my table, looking out our sliding door, and do you know what I see? A drilling rig that recently went up across the road from us. Specifically, it's a drilling rig from the company my husband got laid off from back in January. Every single time I look outside or walk by my door it's there. Every time I go down the road, I have to drive right by it. It literally feels like a slap in the face every time my eyes land on it. I want to be mad about it and I was pretty irritated at first, but I am forcing myself to look on the bright side.

After my husband was laid off the company cut per diem and that was a really good chunk of the pay. I'm not sure we would be able to afford for him to work there with no per diem. Had he not been laid off, I may not have felt the push I needed to get my photography business off the ground. Things are by no means okay yet and we are still struggling, but we may be in a better position now than we would have been. I am trying to count my blessings and not stress so much about the things I can't control.

Even though we are far from home, we are still surrounded by family. We are lucky enough to have my sister in law and her husband on one side of us, my step-dad on the other side of us and the guys all work together. I know it may not last long, but for now it's enough. I am learning to take things one day at a time and one step at a time. I am a very impatient person and I am a planner. I feel the need to plan for everything and make lists all the time. When I don't have control of something it makes my anxiety go crazy. I have my days where I just want to sit down and have a good cry, but I will not lose hope.

If you are in a rough patch in your life, please take a step back. Take a deep breath and count your blessings. Trust me, I know you don't want to hear that sometimes. It used to make me mad when people would say it, but sometimes it's what you need to do. You will still have days that you want to scream and cry and throw things and that's okay. Do it. Release that tension. Just remember that you have good things in your life too. Don't let the stress, anger and anxiety keep you down. It will only make things worse. Keep your head up. You've got this.

Honoring My Angel Babies

This has been a hard year for us. My husband has been laid off twice and we've moved back and forth between two states trying to figure out what to do. Every time we think we are okay again, something else gets thrown at us. The stress of dealing with how we are going to pay our bills and be able to survive has been tremendous. This has led to discussions of dropping our health insurance. I'm not totally comfortable with that idea, but we honestly can't afford it anymore. To top it off, the paper I received today says that they are quadrupling our deductible, lowering what they pay and raising our premium almost two hundred and eighty dollars. We would be paying almost a thousand dollars a month if we kept this policy. Of course the Marketplace website is down, so at the moment I can't even look to see if there are any other plans we could switch to. I seriously doubt I will find a plan that is worth what we would be paying though. It looks like we would be better off taking the penalty at tax time.

The biggest reason I'm nervous about dropping insurance is my health problems. They are always lurking in the background. My daughter might get sick once a year, but even then she has only been sick enough to go to the doctor once and the medicine they gave her didn't even help. It just had to run it's course. I had another PAP come back positive for cervical changes again this summer. That makes the third one in about eleven or twelve years. The last one was just last year and the biopsy came back such low grade the doctor didn't even count it. This year I managed to get away without a biopsy, but she did do cervical curettage inside my cervix. That was more painful than I was expecting and worse because it takes longer than just snipping a piece off. Luckily, that came back negative for pre-cancer. I'm worried that my luck is running thin and feel that I need to eliminate a lot of my risk and have a hysterectomy. We've been trying to get pregnant again for almost three years now. I did finally get pregnant in July, but my levels quit doubling and I miscarried again in August. I think if I don't get pregnant in the next year that I will move forward with the hysterectomy. It's a scary and heartbreaking decision, but I'm tired. I'm tired of being terrified of every PAP. I'm tired of having horrible cramps. I'm tired of the pelvic pain that I have pretty much all the time. I'm tired of temping, tracking, waiting. I want my daughter to have a sibling. I think that is such an important bond. Someone to always have your back and someone you have when once the parents are gone. I don't want her to ever feel truly alone. She is growing up and the time truly goes way too fast. I don't want to spend any of her childhood stressing out about getting pregnant. I just want to enjoy it. She very well may be my only baby, so I need to soak it up that much more.

If you read my last post, then you know that I recently started a photography business. I really wanted to do something to honor my angel babies. It's not fair that I will never know who they would have been or get to have pictures of them. I made a picture that is very special to me. This picture has all of my babies in it. It's my precious daughter, my rainbow baby, surrounded by the siblings she'll never know. It isn't perfect, but I love it. I plan to do a few more and I really want one with me and my husband in it too. It will be the family picture we were robbed of. I have always wanted to be able to have some kind of reminder of my lost babies. I don't want it to be like they never existed and I don't other people to forget either. Some people get tattoos (and I plan on that too), some light a candle every October and there are other ways to remember them. I just needed something that made them more real, more tangible and for me this does it. What do you do remember your lost ones? Check out the picture below and I hope you all have a great day!

Shoot'N Burn Photography

Hi everyone! I know it's been a while since I've posted, but things have been really crazy. My husband was laid off again after my last post and I also had another miscarriage. We have moved from Ohio back to West Virginia and back to Ohio again. It's honestly been just a mess and so stressful. I do have some good news though!

I recently opened up a photography business. WHAT?! I know. I'm still in shock too, even though I've been thinking about it for a long time. I know the first question I'm going to get asked from many people will be "Can you just put my pictures on a disk?" and the answer is.....No. No I can't and I won't. This is known as Shoot'N Burn photography, because the photographer snaps the pictures, burns it on a disc and that's the end of it. I know what you're thinking, but getting the disc is so much easier than dealing with prints and most photographers make this a really cheap option. I used to be one of those people that shopped around until I found a photographer that was cheap and would just hand over the disc. I didn't realize until I got into photography how many problems there are with this model of doing business.

First I'll talk a little about why it's wrong for the photographer. This method mostly brings in people that are looking for cheap and easy. That's not the kind of customer a photographer wants to bring in. A photographer needs to bring in people that appreciate their work and will be repeat customers. That's how you make your money. Building relationships with people is so important in this kind of business. Customers that treat a photographer like the flavor of the month won't make the business thrive and those aren't the kind of customers I need to be bringing in.

Now, to those of you that get the disc and run away, what happens when you get home with that disc? I bet I know. You get home, upload some pictures online and then throw it in a drawer to never see the light of day again because you'll get to having them printed "later". Does later ever come? A lot of the time it doesn't. Then what happens when years down the road, your kids are all grown up and have no pictures to show their kids? You know within a few years cd drives may end up non existent, like the floppy drive. When was the last time you used a floppy drive? What if your family had kept your pictures on them and you now had no way to retrieve them? See what I'm getting at? Actual pictures in your hands are better to have. As long as you take care of them, they last for a very long time. Technology is forever changing and evolving. Devices will be compatible with something one day and not the next. Some computers don't even come with cd drives anymore and others won't read certain types of discs. Discs are fragile. We don't always treat them as such, but they are. Spill something on them, leave them in the sun, drop them, lightly scratch them and they're done for. Let's say you do decide to get that disc out and have some prints made, but it's been a year since the pictures were done. You get the disc out, pop it in the computer...and it won't play. Nothing happens or the disc can't be read for whatever reason. Then what do you do? Those pictures are lost, gone forever. Not only did you pay that money and now you don't have the pictures, but maybe those were the last pictures you had made with someone. Or maybe they were the happiest pictures and now they are gone.

Bottom line is that I strongly encourage my clients to purchase prints. Not because it's what is best for me, but because I feel it's really what is best for my clients. I do offer the option to purchase a USB flash drive, but my prices reflect my opinion on technology versus prints. I know I'm going to have some unhappy people here and there that just want the disc, but I'm prepared to deal with that. I can only hope that you can understand my reasons and respect that. So, the next time you are in the market for a photographer, please think about what I have said here. Preserve those memories. <3

Good To Bad To Worse

Today started out normal enough. I got up and fixed the little one some cereal, checked Facebook and emails, checked my business page...the usual. Then I started thinking about this summer and going to the beach. We didn't get to go last year, so we decided that we really wanted to try to go this year. We have some money saved up and I talked to my sister in law about going with us, so that we would have help keeping an eye on our rambunctious two year old. I had a few minutes before I needed to start fixing food so it would be ready when my hubby got up, so I pulled up the website of our favorite place to stay at the beach. Wouldn't you know it? I found the exact room we wanted for the exact dates we wanted (Mustang Week) for about three hundred dollars less than what it was the last time we checked. I saved the page and had a little extra pep in my step now that I could almost taste the salt air.

Fast forward an hour and we have eaten a pretty awesome meal of kielbasa with banana peppers, blueberry pancakes and eggs. I had told him about the reservation I found and he agreed that I could go ahead and book it. The cancellation policy got me some brownie points since we could cancel at least a week before we got there and only lose thirty four dollars of our deposit. There have been talks of a lay off at his company for months, but in the oilfield there is ALWAYS talks of a lay off. This new round of lay off talk had us in a discussion about whether or not we should take our camper home. My vote was that we should take it home because we would save a lot of money. He had changed his vote to leaving it so that we weren't pulling it as much and our daughter and I could still come to work with him. Well...my vote won, but not because he saw the light or anything like that. I happened to sit down at the table and see that he had gotten an email. I almost just trashed it because it didn't look like anything interesting, but opened it anyway and got a lovely surprise. It was an email from his company stating that sometime between March 1 and March 14 he would be laid off permanently.

Within just a couple of hours my day went from one extreme to the other. Now we are trying to think of what job he could possibly do. The only thing he knows and the only thing he is trained for is the mines and rigs. In case nobody noticed, the oilfield is crashing hard and coal is basically non-existent in southern West Virginia now. I know we will figure something out because we always do, but it's just so frustrating. The little town we live in is almost dead. It's so sad to see our whole county and many around us slowly dying. It affects everyone in every job. The people that lose their jobs are having to move out of state to find new jobs just to feed their families. Those people moving means there isn't anyone to spend money at the gas stations, grocery stores, hair dressers, etc. These families have been in these little towns for generations. Some of them, like my family, have been there since these towns were founded. It's more than just a home or just a place to live and they are being forced to leave. I really don't know what everyone is supposed to do and my heart breaks for them, for us and for my daughter.

By this time I should have already had the camper packed up and cleaned so we can head home tomorrow, but I've spent all evening job searching on the internet and talking to some people that may be of help. At this rate I'm going to be up all night trying to get everything situated to leave in the morning. It would be easier if we could take the camper with us tomorrow, but the snow still hasn't melted off from the blizzard. We will have to come back for it in a few days when the rest of it should be melted. If it's not moved by Monday we'll have to pay rent for the lot it's on again.

To top the day off, I just found out that a beloved family member passed away today too. Seems like everything gets you at once. I don't do this very often, but please keep my family in your thoughts. *Baby Dust*

Life After Infertility?

I don't know that I believe in such a thing as "life after infertility". There is no cure for infertility. It never goes away. It's always there, lurking in the background. Even if you make the decision to stop trying for a baby or if for whatever reason you have a hysterectomy or even if you have a baby, it doesn't make you any less of an infertile. It doesn't change everything that you've been through. No, it's not life after infertility. It's coping with life after infertility. It's that moment when you realize that this disease has taken over every aspect of your life and you have no idea where to go from there. Do you keep trying? Do you stop? Do you take more drastic measures? Do you sign up for that new trial? There are so many directions and so much information that it gets completely overwhelming and all you really want to do is get your life back to some kind of normal. Some people are better at coping than others. Some people never reach that point and they walk aimlessly through this journey completely lost.

I had my moment. My moment where I made the decision that this isn't going to control me anymore. I have always considered myself to be very strong, to make the tough calls when others wouldn't. I lost that part of myself with infertility and my other medical problems. I let them decide how I lived my life. It's time that changed. I'm taking my life back and living the way I want to. My moment came a couple weeks ago. It was pretty late and my hubby and daughter had already gone to bed. I went to the cabinet where I keep all of my meds from the last injectable cycle we were going to do. I laid everything out on the table and just stared for at them for a while. All of those meds and all of those needles and I just kept asking myself, "Am I ready to go back to all of this?". The answer is no, I'm not. Not right now anyway. At some point, if it comes to that, we will go back and try that all over again. Right now isn't that time and that's when it clicked. We get so tied up in timing when we are intimate and charting and temping and medications...every second of our life is carefully planned out. We become a slave. I'm not ready to go back to that. I want to live. I want to have some peace and not be constantly worried about every single little thing. Emotionally, the way we treat ourselves when we start that infertility journey is honestly probably not healthy. I think everyone needs to take a break from being a slave to infertility at some point. You need time to regroup, rekindle the romance in your relationship, let the stress go and just live.

To keep myself busy I have my daughter, my pets, my hubby and work. This little girl for sure keeps me on my toes at all times and is most definitely a full time job. A lot of the time that would normally be filled with thinking about my problems is now filled with her and I am so thankful for that. I know not all of you have that kind of distraction, so you need to find something that you are passionate about. Do you like to paint? Are you a writer? Have you always wanted to take a class? Love video games? Now is the time to put that to use. Fill your time with what you love to do. You will be amazed at how much weight is lifted when you actually go back to doing the things you love, instead of planning out every minute of your day.

I am very lucky to be a stay at home mom. My hubby works his butt off so that I can be the one to be home with our daughter. However, there are times when she visits other people or when she is asleep and those times let my mind start to wonder. The old worry starts to creep back. How do I cope with that? I became a work at home mom. I found a company and product that I am passionate about and that I love. I sell Pink Zebra. Working from home gives me a sense of purpose. I love staying home, but I have always felt that I needed to contribute to the finances in some way. PZ lets me do both, which eases my mind at a time when layoffs in the oilfield are at an all time high. We never know how long my hubby will have his job, but we now have plenty saved up if something does happen. I really love what I do, so I can also throw myself into my work whenever I need a distraction.

Do me a favor...find something that you are passionate about and start donating your free time to that activity as much as possible. Give yourself a break, you deserve it. Lots of baby dust to all of those ttc.

And The Cycle Continues...

Well, here we are a little over a year since my last post and not much has changed. My cycles are still even more irregular now than they were before I had our little girl. You would think I would have come up with some type of coping mechanism for dealing with the uncertainty every month, but I still haven't. I still allow myself to go buy pregnancy tests and be disappointed several times a month. I started back on the Pregnitude. It did such an amazing job of regulating my cycles before I got pregnant that I decided to give it another shot. I really hope it wasn't just some fluke and that it makes things even out again. I still get those really weird muscle twitches that feels like a baby kicking. After some research it seems that many people that have been pregnant still feel what I call phantom kicks, even years after giving birth. We still haven't had any luck getting pregnant. Our baby just turned two in December and I haven't been pregnant once. I am thankful that there haven't been anymore miscarriages, but disheartened that it seems my baby journey may have ended. When we were trying to get pregnant before I got pregnant at least every other year.

Every time I look at our little girl my heart breaks for her. Not knowing the joy of growing up with siblings. Not knowing what it's like to have someone that always has your back at the times when your parents can't. I hate the thought of her being alone if something happened to me and my husband. Sure, she has other family and I'm sure that they would keep in touch. It's just an entirely different kind of bond you have with a sibling and I feel like a failure for not being able to give that to her. Before we had her I felt like I was failing my husband and now that she is here, I feel like I am failing her. Don't get me wrong, I know it's not my fault. However, it is MY body that can't preform a basic natural function.

I suppose at some point we will go back to our reproductive endocrinologist. The time just doesn't feel right yet. I don't look forward to the feeling of being a lab rat. The poking, prodding, procedures and medication...I just don't think that I am emotionally ready for all of that again. A big piece of me wants to just throw in the towel, wave the white flag and get a hysterectomy. Just be done with all of it and all the emotional and physical trauma that goes along with it, but I can't. I'm not a quitter. I know I would regret it if I did that. As long as I have all the essential parts, there is hope. I just can't find it in myself to dash that little bit of hope away.

As for our little girl, she just celebrated her second birthday. She has my blue eyes and unruly curly blonde hair. She has her daddy's temper and because we are both stubborn, she can be hard to handle. I wouldn't have expected anything less coming from the two of us. She will be a fighter and she will be strong. I have no worries about the life that she will make for herself. She is laying in the floor at my feet sleeping as I type this, wore herself out throwing a temper tantrum.

At this point, my blog will become more of a journey through my everyday life and not only about my infertility. My life is so much more than that and I refuse to let infertility define me anymore.

For any of you reading this that are currently ttc, lots of Baby Dust!

Here We Go Again

It seems as though my luck finally ran out. Right after I had my little girl, my cycles were super regular. I even had a perfect 28 day cycle. The only one I have ever had, except for when I was on birth control. I had hoped that having her had somehow "reset" my body so that I wouldn't have to worry about regular cycles anymore (Hey, I've heard of it happening). It was so amazing for those five short months. For once, I didn't have to worry about charting, temping, testing, etc. We weren't trying to get pregnant, but we weren't preventing. It didn't matter if I ovulated or if I didn't. I finally got a taste of what normal women get to experience every month; and then it all stopped. My last cycle was in May and when it was time for the next, I was late. Of course my old self kicked in a little bit and I bought a dozen pregnancy tests. They kept coming back negative, but my period stayed away. My heart sank. It would be so much less stressful if I could have regular cycles, whether I ovulate or not. I would keep all the other problems I have for that one mercy. It's so horrible going month after month with no period and I don't know if I could be pregnant or if my body is just being it's normal crazy self. I spend so much money on tests because if I am pregnant I need to know right away so I can get on Progesterone, even though I know that the test is 99% likely to come back negative. I hate it and it drives me crazy. I went for my annual exam and told the doctor what was going on. She didn't seem concerned and said if I went an entire three months without a period then I would be back to getting blood drawn and ultrasounds and all those other wonderful tests done. By the time I had a period, which started yesterday, it had been 70 days since my last one. That means I am going back to using my Clear Blue Fertility Monitor. At least that way I will know if I ovulated and even have a chance at being pregnant and don't spend unnecessary money on pregnancy tests. I'm also going to go back on my Pregnitude and Progesterone cream because my cycles regulated a lot when I was using it before.

Yes, I want more children. I want two more if that is at all possible. However, if I never have another one, I will perfectly and totally fine with that. All I ever wanted was to be a mother and I have that now, so I can 100% say I am okay and can accept it if I never have another baby. I don't personally feel like I deserve to ask for any more than the miracle I have. That's not to say that we won't try for another one the same as we tried for the first one. We haven't made any decisions as to what we want to do or how far we want to go for a second. I can say that we won't be looking into IVF or IUI's. We will stick strictly to what we can get insurance to cover and what we can afford out of pocket. My main thing is that I wish I could find someone that can figure out what is wrong with my body and get that under control. I really think if we could pinpoint the underlying condition that it would fix so much and make thing so much easier. I've been having a lot of pain in my ovary area and weird muscle twitches in my lower belly (that seriously feels like a baby kicking if I didn't know I wasn't pregnant). I would really like to figure out what is causing that. We aren't going to talk to the doctor again until we've been trying for a year. So if I haven't gotten pregnant by early next year then we will make decisions regarding how we want to proceed as far as doctors and all that goes.

On a really good note, my brother and his wife just had their baby today! I am an auntie to a wonderful little nephew. He is only 7 months younger than my little girl, so even if she never has siblings she will no doubt be close to him. <3

Update Part 2

I really can't even begin to tell you how excited I was to finally be at the hospital. I filled out all of my paperwork, paid my copay and headed upstairs to find my room. There was lots to do from the second I stepped through the door. I had to change into my gown, give a urine sample, get an iv and go through a whole list of questions, information and papers to sign. Once all that was done, they started the first medication I had to have and then all we had to do was wait. Let me just say, I am absolutely not a patient person. Of course they tell you to sleep, but they come in every hour to check the medication and see if contractions are starting. The last thing on my mind was sleeping, but that didn't stop my hubby from snoozing away. Finally, they came to check me and decided I was ready to start the pitocin. Pitocin is a game I really don't like to play. They kept having to adjust the dose, up and down, for hours. It made my contractions come one right after another and no break in between. I didn't want an epidural, they make me nervous. In the end, I had to have one. There was no way around it. The contractions were so bad that I had three doses before it finally even touched my pain. The nurses checked me after the epidural kicked in and I was dilated to between 3 and 4. About 20 minutes later they came back to check  me before going to lunch and her head was in the birth canal. I pushed a total of about 4 times and my baby girl was born at 11:58pm. She weighed 6 pounds 10 ounces and was 19.25 inches. After five years, two miscarriages, countless doctor appointments, money, tears, frustrations...I was finally holding my miracle baby. There are no words to describe what that feeling is like. I know most all parents are grateful and happy about having a baby, but I think when you are in a situation like ours, it makes it a million times sweeter. It is seeing every hope and dream you had and thought would never be, come true. 

Now that I have had her, many people have asked what I am going to do about birth control. My answer is very simple. Nothing. This had caused some issues with a few people that think the risk of having another baby so close to the first is too risky or just not the thing to do, but I have my reasons. I am a firm believer that birth control helped play a part in my hormones being so screwed up. I am terrified to even think about going back on it, because I think it will make it harder to get pregnant again. The way I see it, it took me five years to be blessed with this child. If it takes another five years, then I really can't afford to wait. It will happen when and if my body decides it will happen and I'm okay with whenever that may be. We are not aggressively trying yet. I'm not tracking my ovulation and timing intercourse or anything like that. We are simply just not worryig about or thinking about it. If it hasn't happened after what we feel is enough time, then we will begin all over again with the ttc journey. The purpose of this blog was to help me deal with my infertility journey and to give a voice to and help others. Just because I had my miracle baby does't change what I went through or what this is all about. Yes, I will talk about my daughter from time to time. Some of my readers like that part of my story too, but I will try to focus on the journey for number 2. I am proud to say I am an infertility success story. I hope my story brings hope to others, for what are we without hope?

Update Part 1

Since it has been so long since the last time I updated, I am going to break this up into two different parts. This part will cover the rest of my pregnancy and the second part will start when I had her. 

We had our Baby Shower in October and did a pink camo theme. Everything from plates, cups, napkins and cake was pink camo. My best friend and my mother planned the whole thing and worked really hard to make sure that it was perfect. There was just one small thing that went wrong. The Homecoming Parade for our local high school was the same night as the shower, but we didn't find out about it until after the invites had been sent out and it was too late to change the date. There were a few people that couldn't make it because of the parade and a few people that ended up walking quite a bit to get there. All in all, everything still turned out great. We had an awesome time and got tons of stuff for our girl. 

Once her movements became strong enough for my hubby to feel is when things finally felt a little more real to me. Finally, I wasn't the only one that could tell she was in there. I never started really showing until the very end of my pregnancy, so her movements is what made all the difference. He would fall asleep with his hand on my stomach and would talk to her all the time. We would entertain ourselves by just laying and watching her move in my stomach. After trying for so long, it still seemed so unreal that we were really having a baby.

We had several ultrasounds done because they were a little worried about her weight and we paid for a 4D ultrasound too. With the 4D we not only got a cd with tons of pictures, but they did videos of her moving to. We could tell already that she was going to look like her daddy. She was constantly trying to suck and we even have a few pictures of her trying to get her umbilical cord in her mouth. The first ultrasound we had done because they said she was measuring small, put her between the 16th and 17th percentile. If they get under the 10th percentile, they usually go ahead and take the baby early. At 37 weeks she was only measuring 34 weeks. The second ultrasound we had done, she had dropped to 10.7. So she was just over the 10th percentile. Luckily, this was just before we were going to induce. 

In November we did Maternity pictures. They were taken at a farm and vineyard that is about an hour away from our house. Staying with our country theme, we took pictures in a field, a covered bridge and on a swing. I think they are the most amazing pictures that I have ever taken. They turned out beautiful and I seriously can't wait to have the newborn pictures done.

We were originally scheduled to induce on December 10, but they ended up rescheduling me twice before I finally got to go to the hospital. I think that was the hardest time of the entire pregnancy. All I did was sit and wait by the phone for days to see if they were going to call to tell me to come in for my induction, and it made me that much more anxious every time they called to tell me it was rescheduled. On December 15 they called at 5:00 p.m. to tell me to be there by 7:30 p.m. to start the induction. I live two hours away, so I had thirty minutes to get ready and get on the road. I was in complete panic mode because my husband had gone hunting and I couldn't get a hold of him to tell him to get home. I was afraid that we had planned all this out so that he could be at the hospital when she was born, instead of in Ohio at work, and he was going to be late getting there. He walked through the door with fifteen minutes left before we had to leave. We got on the road at 5:30 p.m. and got stopped by a train and stuck behind vehicles going 25 below the speed limit. I was so afraid that we were going to be late getting there. Thankfully, with the way my hubby drives, we made it just in time.

It's a....!

We had our Gender Reveal Party last week and it was really great! We did a country/western theme with a beautiful cake, cowboy/cowgirl decorations and balloons. Everybody came out and had pizza, cake and cupcakes. My best friend and I were up until about four in the morning making sixty cupcakes and some cake pops. I never wanted to bake again after that, but it was well worth it. We set up a chalk board and let people vote whether they thought it would be a boy or a girl and the majority voted girl. We did the cutting of the cake for the reveal and had the inside of the cake dyed the appropriate color. Our baby is a GIRL!! So glad it's not a secret anymore and now we don't have to keep going back and forth on boy names. 

The day before the party was my appointment with the doctor. I have gained back two of the pounds I lost and everything measured exactly right on the ultrasound. She weighed ten ounces. So even with my weight gain being somewhat off, she is gaining like she should and I was so relieved. My next appointment is August 21. I can't wait until I am around 26 weeks, because then I can schedule my 4D ultrasound appointment. They don't actually do them until 28 weeks, but they like for you to book in advance. The last private ultrasound we did, we actually got several really good 4D shots. She is a little diva already. She had her hand up on her forehead in a few shots and she likes to show her butt off. She absolutely would not cooperate with the ultrasound tech at the doctor's office and even put both of her hands over her ears at one point. I think she was a little upset that they wouldn't leave her alone while trying to get the measurements. I am still absolutely terrified that something will go wrong and cause me to go into labor before she would have the chance of surviving or that she will for some reason be a stillborn. The farther along I get, the more hopeful I am. Most people don't worry at this point and think I am crazy for still worrying, but there are still a lot of unknowns when it comes to what is wrong with me. So, I just can't put all worries behind me yet. Not until I have her in my arms. 

The last three days I have been having horrible ligament pain. To the point that I can't move, walk, breathe or anything. Of course, she chooses the times when I'm hurting the worst to be the most active. Right now it seems her sleeping habits are awake really late at night to early in the morning and then asleep all day and evening. Her movements are getting stronger and hopefully it will be easier for my hubby to feel them soon. Right now it is still kind of hard to feel from the outside, but he has felt her a few times. My hubby actually had to leave to go back to Ohio for work today. Not only do I miss him so much already and being pregnant and him being gone makes it worse, but now he won't be there to rub my belly when I'm hurting. It actually helps a lot. We finally made some decisions on how we are going to set up the nursery and what theme we want to go with. Now it's just a matter of him getting the time to work on it and his pay days getting straightened out so we can buy the stuff. 

Well, I guess I am going to get off here and get some food and a couple of movies. Then it's home to cuddle with my furbabies and get used to my house being empty for the next two weeks. Hope you all have a great night!

Baby Daniels

Well, I realized when I got on here just now that it has been three months since I updated you all. In that time we moved into a different house and fought with my hubby's company to get his truck fixed. I still don't have internet at the house and also no cell service or television. So it's pretty boring at my house. I come to my mom's to use the computer sometimes. We just got my hubby's truck back from the shop his company took it to in Ohio. It's still not entirely fixed, but we can't get them to do anything else. I hope to have the internet hooked up in the next couple of weeks so I can get back to regular updates. I have gotten back to the Facebook page and it is being updated regularly again.

As for Baby Daniels, everything is still going just fine. We had an ultrasound done at 6 weeks 1 day and 8 weeks 1 day. They said everything was progressing great and my RE switched my care over to the OB in his office. I have only seen her twice, but she seems really great. My due date is December 17 and that also happens to be the day that my hubby has to go back to his rig. He won't be back home until January 2, so the chances of him missing the birth are pretty good. Luckily, the doctor said that she can induce me at 39 weeks and not need a reason other than to just have the baby. So, more than likely, we will have her schedule an induction at 39 weeks so that he can be there and be home with us for a few days at least before he goes back to work.

I was having pretty bad ligament pain on a weekly basis for about a month and a half, but that seems to have gone away for the most part. The pain I get now is more of an ache and not really pain. It also doesn't come as frequent. Late into the first trimester I started getting really nauseous. I didn't always throw up, but anything and everything made me sick to my stomach. I lost five pounds from the time I found out I was pregnant to my last appointment two weeks ago. I have in the last two weeks gained two of those pounds back and my nausea has gone away a lot. The doctor actually put me on a prescription prenatal vitamin and gave me a pill to take when I feel really sick. Hopefully I can gain some weight like I'm supposed to now.

Around 17 weeks I got to start feeling the baby move. It's not consistent yet, since it's still so small, but it is definitely an amazing feeling and lets me know everything is okay. My next appointment with the doctor is next Wednesday. They are going to do their diagnostic ultrasound and make sure I'm measuring right and all that good stuff. Two days ago, at 18 weeks 1 day, we had a private ultrasound done in order to find out the gender of the baby. We are having a Gender Reveal Party next Thursday. I am SO excited and it's so hard not to tell everybody what it is. I am getting pretty anxious though, because we haven't even started on the nursery yet and there is so much to do! It has to have a total remodel, complete with new walls and flooring. Money has been an issue since the rest of the house is in need of repairs and his pay days are unpredictable at times. Time is definitely an issue with the hubby's work schedule and he will only be home half of the time we have left before the baby gets here.

A few of my friends are also pregnant and we aren't that far apart. I actually have the exact same due date as one of them. It's really interesting to be pregnant at the same time and compare notes on what is going on with the babies and our bodies. I know here lately, I have been having a hard time sleeping. I get tired, but once I lay down in the bed, I am wide awake. It takes me forever to get to sleep. My legs have been hurting really bad too. I feel like I ran a marathon and my muscles are sore and at night I get bad leg cramps. Most of the time I don't actually feel pregnant though, it's kind of weird. I guess it doesn't help that I don't really look pregnant either. I was pretty small before and with not gaining any weight, I am not really showing much. The only way it is really obvious is if you look at a picture of before I was pregnant and then look at me now.

I am SO excited for the party and I am SO excited for this little baby to get here! It will be the absolute best Christmas present ever! It's amazing to think that after five years, two miscarriages and everything that we have been through, that we are finally going to be parents. I am so lucky to have someone that always stood by me through all of the fertility treatments, drugs, doctors, tests, losing two babies and never complained. I know he is going to be an amazing father and I can't wait for this little family to be together.

Waiting Game

So I went back for my HCG test last Wednesday and my levels had gone up to 282. They more than doubled from what they were on Monday at 121. Day before yesterday I had an early ultrasound done and it showed a 7.5mm gestational sac, but no fetal pole or heartbeat yet. It is still really early since I am only 5 weeks and that is completely normal. I go back for another ultrasound on next Wednesday and should be able to see something then. The doctor still has me on the Progesterone supplement and I am still taking my whole food prenatal vitamins and DHA. I've been trying to eat a lot of fresh salads, fruits and veggies with chicken and grilled meats. I cut out caffeine almost completely and have been trying to drink tons of water. I am hoping that all of this will help me to carry the baby to term this time. 

I have still been cramping, but fortunately it has mostly been due to constipation. The Progesterone has that lovely side effect and they told me to start drinking Metamucil to help with that. I must say, that stuff is not the greatest tasting. I had tried yogurt, water, green veggies and fiber filled cereals and none of that worked. So, Metamucil it is. For the most part, I have been doing nothing but laying in the bed and watching Netflix. I do have to go to the barn and check on my horse, but other than that I try not to really be up and moving about too much. I got the last of the medication we had ordered for the aggressive IUI cycle we were going to do before we found out I am pregnant. Let's just say, I really hope I carry this baby and never have to do that cycle. Number one, because I don't want to go through another miscarriage. Number two, that's a really big needle! 

As far as symptoms go, I haven't really had any. My breasts have been extremely sensitive and sore, but that's about it. No morning sickness or anything like that. I have gotten nauseous maybe two or three times, but it wasn't bad. I have had maybe two headaches and a few dizzy spells. Most days though, I don't have any symptoms. I almost wish I would have more symptoms, just so that I know that I am still pregnant and everything is okay. I know that sounds strange, but when there aren't any symptoms you worry that something is wrong. 

My best friend came in from Virginia to take me to my ultrasound appointment and will probably come in and take me to the one next week too. My hubby won't get off work until Wednesday morning. So he may be able to meet us out there, but wouldn't be able to come get me and take me himself. I think she was pretty excited to get to see the ultrasound before anyone else though. 

My hubby has another week before he gets to come back home from Ohio. This hitch has been particularly hard for us. He has had a hard time at work with things going wrong and worried about me and the baby. I have had a hard time because I've been worried about him and the baby. His truck got damaged this morning when the flow line blew and put dents all over it, chipped paint, busted his windshield and covered it in oil base mud. We are still waiting to find out how they are going to handle getting it fixed. He said that if someone had been out there when it happened that it may have killed or seriously injured them. The company men are trying to get them to break procedure and do something that could get someone hurt. Luckily, the driller is refusing to do it. I am still worried to death about my hubby tonight though. 

Right now I am just in a waiting game. I have to wait for each new ultrasound to know that everything is fine and the next week just can't come fast enough. The doctor I am seeing now, which is my reproductive endocrinologist, is only going to see me for a few more weeks to make sure everything is progressing okay. Then he is going to release me to go back to my regular ob. The thing is, I don't trust my regular ob to take good care of me and keep a good eye on me since my previous miscarriages make me high risk. They didn't do a good job with the first two miscarriages, so I will be looking for a good ob out in the same place my RE is. When he decides to release me, I will ask him who he recommends. I am so nervous and anxious for my next ultrasound. Come on next Wednesday!!!

BFP!

So, I had my HSG test on Thursday as planned. I took a pregnancy test before I went and then they tested me before I went over to the hospital. Both of the tests were negative, no surprise. After the test was over, the doctor said that it "...couldn't be more normal". We went over my lab work and he said everything looked great, but one of the tests he ordered didn't get done. That test was the AMH test for ovarian reserve. They drew more blood for that test and we discussed the upcoming IUI cycle. I told him that all of my medication was ordered and we were just waiting on it to arrive. Nothing else for us to do until the meds came in. The plan was that I would call once I received all of the medication and then he would have me come back and go over what the protocol would be. At that time they would also teach my mother how to give my injections. I was getting a little excited to get things started and so happy that all my tests and lab work was normal...but things changed a little two days later.

I had been testing with my Clearblue Fertility Monitor and never got a peak reading, it just stayed at high. I've never had that happen before and especially not for that long. It had been showing high for two weeks. My Ovacue Fertility Monitor never showed that I ovulated either and started giving me error boxes. I got a full ferning test on cycle day 6 and my bbt showed that I ovulated on cycle day 8. As far as I was concerned, this cycle was all screwed up and nothing added up to a definitive ovulation day. I, like most of us, am a testing freak. I have pregnancy tests everywhere at the house and test all the time, just because I can't stand it. So, imagine my surprise when I tested Saturday morning and it was positive. I just kept saying, "Oh my God!". I didn't really believe it. I called my husband and told him to come to the house because I had a positive test and I wanted him to tell me I wasn't crazy. I bought two other brands of tests after that and took a regular one and a digital one and they both said pregnant too. After two years, I finally had a BFP again!!!

But wait...I just had dye injected through my uterus and into my fallopian tubes and a steady stream of xray blasting it. How is that going to affect things? On Sunday I left a message with my doctor and the nurse called me back first thing Monday morning. Later that day I went for HCG and progesterone levels, plus they called me in a prescription for progesterone supplements. When the doctor called later with my results, he just couldn't believe I was pregnant. He said my HCG levels were great at 121, my progesterone wasn't great, just okay, but the progesterone prescription should take care of that. They don't seem to think that the HSG test will cause any complications. I have to go back tomorrow for follow up HCG levels to make sure they are doubling and the doctor wants to see me next week. I also decided that I am going to go off of the day my bbt said that I ovulated. It makes sense since we bd (baby dance) on that day and two days before. That would make my due date around December 19. I just might get a Christmas baby!!

I have been cramping some and it's a lot worse at night, so I've been a little freaked out over that. I know that they says it's normal, but I cramped with both of the other pregnancies and miscarried them both. So I'm a little worried. I don't plan on doing anything really until the first trimester is over. Just a lot of laying in the bed and sitting around. Hopefully, if I am really careful, I can hang on to this one. My husband left to go back to Ohio for work today. He will miss the next couple of doctor's appointments and I hate that if something goes wrong he won't be here. Right now, I guess I am going to get ready to go to the grocery store so I can stock up and not have to leave the house much. Prayers and lots of baby dust are appreciated. I also want to give a big thank you to everyone that has already showed their support for me, you guys mean a lot. <3

A Day To Remember

Today made two years since my mother in law passed away. I know it is a hard day for my husband and his siblings, but it's one of those situations that there really isn't anything that I can do or say. All I can do is be there. There has been so much going on the last few weeks. Two people that I was very close to died and two other family friends lost their mothers. I had my first appointment with the new doctor last week, the anniversary of my mother in law passing today, we are having problems getting insurance on the house we are buying and my appointment for my HSG test is on Thursday. That's just way too much packed into just a few weeks. I seriously hope that things finally slow down a little bit now. 

We visited the cemetery today with one of my brother in laws and his wife, took a fresh arrangement with Spring colors to put on the grave and cleaned the headstone. The last time we were there we also noticed that nobody has been putting anything on my grandfather's grave. That really bothered me, so we bought a pretty red, white and blue arrangement with a United States flag ribbon since he was in the Air Force and put on his headstone too. I also bought a single rainbow rose and put on the grave of one of my friends that was buried last week. My other friend was cremated, so I have nowhere to take flowers, but I like to think that he knows I'm thinking of him. 

I got the last of my medication for the IUI cycle ordered. I will be on Clomid, Repronex and an HCG trigger. All together it cost me $454. Tomorrow I have to pick up my antibiotic that I have to start taking right before my HSG test. They called me one in before, but I was allergic to another medication in that class of drugs, so they are calling in a different one. I am allergic to five antibiotics that I can remember, but I think there is supposed to be six of them. It's a pain to treat me when I get sick. I go for my HSG on Thursday and hopefully they will have my lab results back from all the tests they ran last week. I'm a little afraid of what they might show. When it comes to doing the injectables for the IUI, I am probably going to have to have my mom give me the injections. I just don't think that I can give them to myself. I can do it to someone else, just not myself. I know that probably sounds weird. I really hope that I respond to the Clomid. I have been on it before and was on the highest dose recommended, but it never worked. The doctor seems to think that I won't have a problem responding to it using the the injectables with it. I guess we shall see. 

Now, for those that don't know what an HSG test is, I will give a brief overview. HSG test is short for hysterosalpingogram test. It is an x-ray test that looks inside and around the uterus and fallopian tubes. A thin tube is inserted through the vagina and into the uterus. A dye is put through the tube and should flow into the fallopian tubes. An x-ray machine uses a steady beam to take pictures and will show any blockages or damage.